RAPED AS A CHILD ... Woman haunted by horrifying past

A woman who said she was repeatedly raped by a family member as a child is now reliving those trauma. She said that the death of her spouse in August sent her into depression as she now struggles to provide for five children.

Susan* says the situation is compounded by the fact that her eldest child is the result of the childhood abuse that she suffered. "There are times when I hate seeing that child, and I find myself at times mistreating the child because of who the father is," she told THE STAR.

Susan, who lives in less than desirable conditions in a section of St. Catherine, is fighting the twin monster of poverty and a terrifying past.

"I try my very best to provide for my children. I've had a difficult life from as long as I can remember, but it got extremely worst when I was raped repeatedly by [deleted to protect child] at age 16.

"There are things that I went through that I cannot talk about none at all. That's how much pain I have inside," said Susan. She tried her best to hold back the tears, but the flow came once the first drop fell,

"It's not like I am seeking pity from the public because I have kept this to myself for years, but right now I cannot go on any further without asking for help," she said.

Susan said that her parents did not provide a stable environment for her and her siblings when they were growing up and this left them vulnerable to peer pressure and negative influences.

"I blame my mother for a lot of things. She ran away from us because she said she never wanted us. She always say she regretted not aborting us. I was on my own from a child, and I ended up in juvenile centres several times because of bad behaviour," she said.

Feels broken

Susan, who turns 30 in April, said she is prepared to fight as hard as she can to ensure her children get the best life possible. There are many times, however, that she feels broken.

Despite her trials, the struggling mother is hoping to one day rise about her challenges and realise one of her life-long dreams of becoming a medical practitioner.

"When I was young I wanted to be a paediatrician, but with everything that I have gone through, there are times when I forget what I wanted to be in life. I am just focused on ensuring that my children are taken care of," she said.

Minister Heather Davis-White, of Reshuffle Outreach Ministries, is aware of Susan's story and has been trying to assist with the construction of a house.

"We are trying to finish it within three months, so we are appealing to anyone who is interested in helping to come on board and assist in whatever way you can," Davis-White said.

* Name changed to protect identity.

Minister Heather Davis-White may be contacted via telephone at (876) 325-7528.