Bloodied, bruised but unbreakable - Nickeisha Barnes opens up about her escape from a violent relationship

For seven harrowing years, Nickeisha Barnes lived a nightmare - trapped in a cycle of control, violence, and fear. But today, the woman who once felt voiceless is now a fierce warrior for survivors of domestic abuse.

A former Digicel Rising Stars finalist, Barnes' voice and courage have inspired countless others to break free from the shackles of violence. At just 19, Barnes entered a relationship with a man she believed would be her life partner. At the time, she was a university student, and her then 21-year-old partner seemed like an equal as they navigated life together. Initially, their relationship was filled with promise, but overtime, his behaviour shifted. He became controlling, questioning her whereabouts and even decided who she could spend time with.

At first, his actions seemed caring--"'I'm looking out for your benefit'," Barnes said her partner assured her. "[He would tell me] 'I'm looking out for your benefit because you don't understand the world, and you've been sheltered and therefore I have to ensure you are protected'."

But soon, his "protection" morphed into an iron grip.

"At first it didn't feel like control, It didn't feel like I was being restrained because I had told myself that this is love. This was how love showed up, this was how consideration showed up and I kept allowing it because my perception of what was happening wasn't that I was being controlled," said Barnes.

The control escalated into terrifying micromanagement--he even checked her car's gas mileage to ensure her movements matched her claims. Then came the physical abuse. After their son was born, he slapped her during an argument. This was in the third year of their relationship.

"He apologised," Barnes recalled, "but it didn't stop there." That first slap became the first of many, which turned into punches, and the punches into relentless beatings.

"I felt like I was losing my voice, like I was just allowing these things to happen to me over and over again, and I would hide and justify the physical abuse. So if he slapped me in the head, I would say, 'Oh my God, I made him angry', and blame myself," Barnes explained.

She told THE WEEKEND STAR that there were pauses in the abuse, but the impact of the assault was more than physical. Her self-esteem was severely affected as well.

"I kept telling myself this was all I could get, this was how love would show up for me, so I stayed," Barnes said.

But after nine years in an abusive relationship, her lowest point came when he viciously attacked her in front of their young son. Left bloody, bruised, and hospitalised, Barnes finally reached her breaking point.

"My mind just said, 'Girl enough, enough for you, enough for your son...Enough with this man'. This is not it!'" Barnes said boldly, adding that while in the hospital her younger sister came to visit her further cementing her decision to never go back.

"I looked in her eyes and I knew that things had to change because that is not how I want to show up for her, I don't want her eyes to see this and think this is normal, that this is healthy and what love looks like," said Barnes.

After being discharged from the hospital she got a restraining order against her partner, packed her bags and left with her son. But escape came at a steep cost. Her abuser had stripped her of financial independence, leaving her penniless. With nothing but determination, she began to rebuild her life from scratch.

Her abusive ex-partner died tragically in 2015, becoming one of the 1,208 persons murdered in Jamaica that year. On the other hand, Barnes, now 43, turned her pain into power. She completed a master's degree in public health, raised her son alone, and is now putting him through university. She has become a relentless advocate for domestic violence survivors.

"There is this notion that we have as Jamaicans that what happens in yuh house must stay in a yuh house, but what I have learnt is the house's business is the community's business, it's the parish's business, it's the nation's business. It is the region's business," Barnes said.

"If we don't get the house right then the nation nah guh right, so we have to start in the house. Abuse on any level is unacceptable and if abuse shows up in any form that causes a person to not be their best selves and contribute productively and in excellence then that's not beneficial for any nation. Suh it's all a wi business," added Barnes who also encouraged those enduring domestic abuse to never forget their strength.

"That's what they try to take away from you, your strength the things that make special, those things that make you stand out those things that make people gravitate towards your beautiful soul...so don't let them steal that from you," Barnes said.