My mother says I'm too black

Dear Pastor,

I am 27. When I was growing up, my mother did not like me because I am darker than the other children. My sister and brother are of light complexion. I have heard people ask my mother if I am her daughter and she said no.

She told me it was because I am too black. My mother used to make me do most of the hard work at home while my other sister did light work.

My father is of dark complexion and he used to quarrel with my mother all the time over me. My mother used to beat me for any little foolishness. One day my father took off his belt and told her if she hit me again, he was going to beat her, so she stopped beating me.

My father would ask me whenever he came home if my mother ill-treated me.

Sometimes I look back and ask myself my mother loved my father and he is of dark complexion. My father loves her. She does not work. He gives her everything.

My father sent my mother to America on holidays. Before she left, I heard her telling someone on the phone she was not coming back, but she did. When she came back, she brought clothes for all of us. My father wasn't satisfied with what she brought for me, so he asked her why my clothes had to be of that quality. My father told me not to wear them, but I wore them because I did not want my mother to punish me.

I cannot like my mother. My brother and I get along well, but not my sister. She is just like my mother. My mother is back in the states. We are taking care of my father. He said my mother can stay where she is because he is not happy with her.

I have a boyfriend, but my sister does not. She told my boyfriend lots of lies on me, so I hate her also. She is as wicked as my mother. I need your help.

K.E

Dear K.E.,

You said your mother was not working and your father provided everything. He supported her as well as you and your siblings. He is a good father. Perhaps your mother said she loved him because of what he could provide for her. I suppose some would say you have a right to hate your mother because of the treatment you received. I want you to look at your mother as someone who did not know better. Give God thanks for a father who accepted all his children and loves them equally.

I am sure you know the colour of a person's skin is not very important. What is important is the persons' character and what he or she has made out of life. It would do you no good to hate your sister or your mother. Try to do your very best, have high goals and objectives.

One of these days your mother may ask your pardon for the way she has treated you. Never forget to send her a card or call her on her birthday, Mother's Day, etc. Send her occasional gifts and she will come to realise, in spite of her attitude towards you, you still recognise her as your mother. Hold your father in high esteem and treat your siblings well.

Pastor