My boyfriend slept with my niece

Dear Pastor,

I am writing you with tears in my eyes. I don't know who to talk to. Only you, I believe, I can trust. I am 36. I have been living with my boyfriend for six years. I have two children but he is not their father. I left the children's father five years ago.

This man I am with is a womaniser. He took women to our bedroom. One of his women left her dirty panty in my bathroom. To me, that was the final straw.

I decided I would go and live with my grandmother, who lived alone. She had two rooms, so the children and I could stay in the other room.

My boyfriend begged me not to leave. He got down on his knees and said he would never bring another woman to the house, he would stop running around. I told him we should see a counsellor. He said we didn't have to see a counsellor for that. He knew he was wrong, so he would change.

My vacation was due, so I decided to go to America with the children. After one week, my boyfriend went for my niece, who is 18. He did not tell me about it. My niece didn't say anything to me. She had my number. He lived with my niece for more than three weeks.

HIDING

People saw her there. She was not hiding, but they thought I knew she was there. She left before I came home. I became suspicious because she had used some of my things. He also had pictures of her in his phone, in which they were both semi-nude, only the string she had on.

When I saw the first two pictures, I shouted out. He was sleeping and woke up. I asked him what my niece's pictures were doing in his phone. He turned 'fool'. He said he took the pictures of her on my bed and claimed she was only at the house for one night. The neighbours told me that she was there for more than two weeks. I called my niece. She told me when he invited her to the house, she did not know I was not there. I know that was a lie.

TOTAL STRANGER

These things pulled me down. I used to weigh 160 pounds, I am down to 121. It would be better if he had gone out with a total stranger, than to have sex with my niece. I did so much for this girl, now she is trying to take away my man. I took away his phone, so he can't say I am accusing him for something he didn't do. He went to my godfather and begged him to talk to me.

When my god-father called, I went to see him because he is in a wheelchair. I showed him the pictures. He bowed his head and cursed my niece. My boyfriend told him he couldn't resist my niece because she is fat and has 'clean skin'.

I am confused. I don't' know what to do. I am sleeping with the children. I told him to sleep on the couch, so I can get my bed. He is still not moving out of the bedroom. When I see him on the bed, I feel like throwing water on him. I can't have sex with him on that mattress, not on the same mattress he brought other women and had sex with my niece.

Oh, Pastor, give me your advice.

T.F,

Dear T.F,

Your boyfriend is a worthless man. I am not going to tell you to stay or leave him. What I am prepared to say is that you should follow your heart.

You must have reasons for remaining with this man after you discovered his behaviour. He has disrespected you, yet you stayed. Therefore, I am not going to tell you to go. Follow your heart. Your young niece is old enough to know she should not have had an affair with your man. I agree with you, she was lying when she said she had not known you were not at home. Even if she had not known, when she came and realised you, nor the children, were not there, she should have left.

You are working, so if you were to leave this man and move in with your grandma, you probably would be able to bounce back, so to speak.

I repeat, I am not prepared to tell you whether you should go or stay. This man has misbehaved on a number of occasions yet you have remained with him. If you wanted to go, you would have left long ago.

Pastor