My boyfriend needs more ambition

Dear Pastor,

Thank you for your good work in the newspaper. I am a Christian girl, and I grew up reading your column. I am 22 years old.

I am trying to get my degree in nursing, so I am working very hard. I really wanted to do something else when I was a child, but I have an aunt who is a nurse, and she encouraged me to do nursing. I would like to go abroad and further my education in nursing when I finish my training in Jamaica.

I have a boyfriend, and we have been together for the past year. Every time I talk about going abroad, he says I should not mention it. He says that wherever I go, he will follow.

I do like him, but he needs to be more ambitious. He works, but his is not such a good job. I don't need anything from him because whatever I need, my father takes care of that. But, from time to time, we go out together and he is very proud to be seen with me.

My parents have never said anything negative about him, but I have one brother who does not seem to like him very much. He doesn't say much to him.

A BETTER-EDUCATED GUY

My brother is doing engineering and he would prefer to see me with a guy who is better educated. But I like this guy. He is decent and quiet.

I want you to comment on two areas. One, my desire to go abroad and two, his lack of ambition, so to speak. He should make me a good husband if he was willing to go back to school.

S.G.

Dear S.G.,

I am glad that you are a Christian, and I agree with you. Your boyfriend is a good guy, and you should go easy on him because no man wants to lose a good woman.

And when you tell him that you are planning to go and live abroad, he, naturally, becomes uneasy in his spirit because he believes that that might be the end of the relationship between the two of you.

If you are sure that this is the man with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, then you should encourage him not to fret and give him some assurance that you will return and marry him.

And then both of you could live happily after. But you have not given him such an assurance, and the reason why you have not done so is because you feel that he needs some more education.

And you want a man with whom you can work towards building a solid foundation, towards having children and a home, and being happy.

You say that this man needs more ambition. Let me suggest that you encourage this man along. Don't embarrass him in any way.

Tell him to share with you his weaknesses, his anxieties, and so on. Perhaps you can seek ways to encourage him.

Your brother wants the best for you, and that is good. I am sure that your parents want the best for you, too.

But sometimes what a girl needs in life is a man who she loves - someone who is hard working, trustworthy, respectful, and very intelligent. if this man loves you and he has these qualities, I would suggest that you not dump him for a man who is a sweet-talker and may have many degrees.

Pastor