Abusive ex-boyfriend wants me back


October 11, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I'm 24 years old and I have been a reader of your column for years now. When my mom buys THE STAR, I would read your section first. I never knew I would have been writing to you now. My problem is that I recently broke up with my boyfriend. He's very lazy. He doesn't like to work. I asked him if he wants to go back to school and he says yes, but I don't see him pushing towards it. I'm the one who always has to be finding food, buying gas, etc. Sometime, I don't push or say that I don't have any money. Now and then he will buy and sell ground provision or do day's work.

We were living together for two years at his parents' house, but we had our own room. He was a very jealous man always accusing me of cheating, along with other things. My mother doesn't like him because she says that I'm running a risk with my life, and we have not been together for long. I felt bad because she is my mother. He's always getting upset over simple things, destroying things, and he was always quick to hit me.

I used to buy him stuff. One time I bought him a phone, and he became upset because I wasn't paying him any attention, and he damaged the phone and also mine. I bought another one for myself. I even bought him clothes and other stuff, and he burns them in front of me whenever he is upset.

I recently left his place because I was tired of his behaviour. He doesn't get along with his parents. They are always cursing each other. It is like they want to kill each other. I don't want to end up like other women, so I told him it is better for us not to be in a relationship. I was working at a restaurant, and I met another guy. He's younger than I, but very nice and mature. Things my boyfriend wasn't thinking of doing for his future, this guy has been doing so. I really like him a lot. He's a Christian, and I'm going to get baptised soon. He always gives me things and is always there for me. I don't want to hurt him because he seems like a man of his words, and he will live up to a responsible standard.

But, my ex-boyfriend keeps begging me to come back in his life, and is telling me that he's a changed person. I'm afraid. I don't know what to do. Can you help me to make the correct decision?


Dear A.P.,

You are 24 years old and you were living with a man in his parents' house. This young man proved that he was not a good man. Although he was in his parents' house, he did not treat you with respect. He beat you, and you came to realise that you should not stay with him. You ended the relationship with him. He has now come to see that it was a big loss when you left him. So, he is begging you to come back. You should know that you would be making a big mistake to renew the friendship with him.

You should ask yourself this question: what would you tell the other young man that you have described to be a Christian? You said that young man is mature and that he treats you well. Which woman does not want good? If you want good, you should stay with the present young man and don't make yourself a fool by going back to the guy you were forced to leave.


You plan to get baptised very soon. So, if you are planning to get baptised because you want both of you to serve the Lord together, I would suggest that you and this young man go to see the pastor of the church and ask him for guidance. I pray the Lord will help the both of you to learn to love and respect each other. Make sure that you go back to school, if you are not already attending school. You need to get a good education or learn a skill. Skilled people are needed in Jamaica. In fact, wherever you go, if you have learnt a skill, you will be able to work and support yourself.

Don't give your man the impression that you love him, while you are fooling around the guy you used to live with. I repeat, have nothing to do with the guy you used to live with. You have my prayers.


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