Wife wants to leave me because I refuse to do oral sex

Dear Pastor,

My wife told me to move on. I have a broken heart and I am hurting. My wife has decided to leave me and to end the marriage because I refused to do oral sex with her.

We have been married for two years. What do you think I should do? I need your advice.

Hurting Husband

Dear Hurting Husband,

Over the years writing this column, I have repeatedly said that I will not endorse the practice of oral sex between a man and his wife, and neither would I condemn it.

There was a time when Jamaican men used to say that they would not "go down or eat anything that was not cooked".

Now, men are bragging and telling women how well they can 'eat and' they insist that the women should reciprocate.

Women call men idiots whenever the men are reluctant to go down on them.

I have had many couples discuss this matter with me. I shall never forget talking to a couple. The gentleman was not educated, but his wife was.

During their marriage, she spent some time abroad and when she returned, she tried to coax him into it, but he said no, he would not do it at all.

So, in one session, I said to him, "so you wouldn't do oral sex at all?" he responded sharply, "Me? do that thing deh?"

He was convinced that his wife met another man while she was working abroad, and it is that man who got her into the practice of oral sex.

Well, to cut a long story short, when his wife realised that she could not get him to change and to give her the type of sex that she wanted, she left him.

They are now divorced, but at the time she was pressuring him to have oral sex with her, they were married for many years and had two children.

I know another couple who also had children, about four of them. The man got involved with another girl and they were having oral sex.

He tried to introduce it to his wife and she refused, and he divorced her. I have given these two examples because I want to put you on your guard and to let you know that some people find oral sex so pleasurable that they are willing to ruin their marriage if a spouse refuses to participate.

So brother, if your wife and you are constantly at loggerheads over oral sex, don't be surprised if she moves out on you.

What you can do is to make an appointment for both of you to see a family counsellor on the matter.

Pastor