Stuck with a suicidal boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am currently living with my boyfriend of over five years. I must say that I am no longer 'in love' with him, but I do love him.

The sexual attraction that I used to feel for him is no longer there. I have to force myself to have sexual contact with him.

It's not that he is doing anything wrong; it's just that I don't feel attracted to him like that. I don't mind cuddling with him, but that's all I want from him.

To be honest, I can't fall asleep unless his arms are around me.

Recently, I found out that he cheated on me and I kept it quiet, because I honestly didn't feel hurt or cared enough to cry about it.

But I had used it as an excuse to start distancing myself from him.

He eventually asked me what the problem was, and I told him I thought it was time we ended our relationship.

He cried and begged me to stay. So I brought up the cheating thing and still he begged me to stay with him and explained that he was sexually frustrated and would never do it again.

Pastor, I honestly don't care if he wants to sleep around. I just don't want to have a sexual relationship with him anymore. Right now he's doing everything for me.

He is constantly messaging me while I'm at work, and it's becoming even more stifling. He wants to be with me 24/7.

I have thought about cheating back on him to see if I would feel that rush I once felt, and to see if he's the problem or me.

Don't get me wrong, he takes care of me in every way possible and is very loving, but there are also areas that he needs a lot of improvement on.

He can be flirtatious at times, but again, that doesn't bother me, maybe because our relationship didn't start out of love but more out of pity.

Someone close to him had died and it left him depressed. That day, I was meeting up with him to break off our little fling. When he gave me the bad news, I had asked him to be mine and now here we are six years later, all because I was trying to help.

He gets suicidal every time I mention a break-up and that makes me stay, because I don't want to see him hurt himself.

His family loves me and thinks I've changed him for the better, but I feel like I'm neglecting me to make others happy.

Could it be that I've become an asexual? I will get urges, but to act on those urges is another thing. Should I leave this guy?

Can medication fix this feeling of not wanting to have sex with him? I hate that I'm hurting him, but I can't help how I feel, and it's hard to pretend all the time.

What can I do to fix this?

C.E.

Dear C.E.,

You have to be true to yourself. This guy has made mistakes, but you have never truly loved him.

Yes, both of you have had a fling, but it has not been true love and you know that, so stop fooling yourself.

Oh yes, I know that you feel that he will hurt himself if you were to leave him. You are scared to get the blame if he hurts himself.

Well, I am here to tell you that the longer you stay with him, the worst he will become, and he will cry on your shoulder and tell you that you don't care about him.

But the most important person in your life is you. Therefore, you ought to take care of yourself.

From the tone of your letter, you seem to be able to support yourself. You are an intelligent girl also.

I repeat, there is no love between the both of you. Stop contemplating going to have sex with another man.

That does not make any sense. End the relationship with this man. Nothing is wrong with you.

After you have ended the relationship, don't be in a hurry to go into another. Give yourself time for your heart to heal, so to speak.

Don't think about how his relatives would feel, either. Occupy yourself in positive areas of your life. Stop fooling yourself and fooling the man, because true love is not there between the both of you.

Pastor