Girlfriend's parents think I'm not good for her

Dear Pastor,

I am a recent graduate from university. I am struggling with a problem. My girlfriend graduated two years ago.

We have our problems, but our problems don't come between us for long. Sometimes I feel that I am not good enough for her because she is from the middle class and I am not.

I used to have to go on the road with my mother and help her do 'higglering'. But I am very proud of who I am, and my mother and father are very proud of me, too.

When I started to go on the road to help my mother, I wasn't shy anymore. I used to be very shy, but with the hustling I did on the road, I learnt to not be shy anymore.

When I approached my girlfriend and told her that I loved her, she said I had nothing to offer her, and that other guys loved her and she turned them down.

I told her it is true that I have nothing to offer but pure love, and all she had to do was to give me a chance.

Well, she has given me a chance. But now that I have graduated, I am very anxious. I have a job, but the money is small.

My girlfriend's parents know that we go out sometimes, but she tells me that they don't expect her to marry me.

I asked her why we couldn't get married and she said it is because her parents are prejudiced. I used to think that people are prejudiced because of colour but that is not so with my girlfriend.

PREJUDICE

I am not a very dark person, neither are they, so this is not a colour 'business'; it is because I am not in their class.

They would rank me as the lower class although I am a university graduate.

My girlfriend is trying to help me to get a good job so that I can pull myself up the ladder.

Do you think that I should bother with this relationship? I have never loved anybody as I love this girl.

Whenever I see her parents they greet me well. But my girlfriend says they are hypocrites; they really don't like me. I would like your opinion.

B.H.

Dear B.H,

You love this girl very much and she loves you, but it is unlikely that she is going to go against her parents and give this relationship her best shot.

She believes that she belongs to a class that you would never reach. So although she is very friendly and loving, she has been taught to look for a partner who would keep her social standing high.

Class is important to her and to her parents. Although this girl loves you, she knows that you would never be accepted in her family.

Therefore, I would suggest that you do not waste any more time with her.

Perhaps what you have to do is to play hard to get now. Let her be the one to chase after you, if she is really interested in you.

Your mother did higglering and that is not something to be ashamed of. But this girl's parents are likely to remind her that you have not come from the middle class.

Your mother was just a higgler, so they do not expect her to marry a man who is a hustler on the street with his mother.

Pastor