Can't believe he is kicking me out


December 05, 2018

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and your staff. I grew up with my aunt and her babyfather. I began living with them when I was 10 months old. I was comfortably living in Kingston, and this man asked me to return home. After asking me for several years, I went back in 2014 to take up a part-time job because I wasn't working then. After the time ended on the job, I was ready to go back to Kingston, and he told me to stay because he was the only one in the house and I was the only one who showed interest in him.

His children don't come to look for him. His brothers and sisters don't really talk to him because he never had anything good to say about people. I would wash, cook and clean for this man before and after his retirement. After a time, I realised that he wouldn't provide soap to wash his own clothes. So one day I asked him to buy soap and his response was: "What is it good for?" So, I stopped washing for him.

I always provide my food, and after some time he stopped eating when I cook. When I asked him why he was not eating, he would say it's because he is not the one providing it. I have been here since June 2014, and I am always providing, and it was only since last year that he figured that he's not the one providing.

I have two daughters. He does not talk to the older one. When I asked him why he doesn't talk to her, he couldn't say. I am wondering if he's crazy. Pastor, I can boast. I have some of the most well-mannered teenagers. I don't have any problem with them, and everyone in and around the community respects and admires them.


My problem now is that he has placed a note on his dining table telling me to leave his place because he is fed up and wants to work on his house so that his children and relatives would have space when they visit. I have been here for four years, and while he worked on his house I provided the workmen with my own food and there was never a problem. I am the only one paying the light for more than a year now because he claims he is not paying any bills for a woman that has a man.

I am 33 years old. Am I not allowed to have a man? All of this started when my children's father came into the picture. Now he doesn't talk to me.


Dear J.C.,

You have not made it very clear what upset this man. But it does appear that you were having an intimate relationship with him and the relationship has gone sour, so to speak. You and your children's father have become intimate again. This man, who is giving you shelter, feels that you are disrespecting him and decided that if your children's father is so active in your life again, you should move on.

You are not denying that you are having a relationship with your children's father while you are living with this gentleman. You asked the question if you are not old enough to have a man. The answer to that question is yes, you are old enough to have a man. But you shouldn't be living under the older man's roof while playing around with this other man.

The man has stopped eating from you because he surmised that you are getting money from this other man, and he thinks that it is a great insult to be offering him dinner. He is not willing to eat another man's labour. Therefore, if you want to have an intimate relationship with your children's father, you should leave his house. You should not stay there and give him 'bun', as people commonly speak.

Whether you believe it or not, this retiree is not saying anything that is far-fetched. You should get out of the man's house. He might be using the repairing of his house as an excuse to get you out, but common sense should tell you to get out. The relationship is not working.

Concerning the man and your daughter, you do not know why he has stopped talking to her. He hasn't told you, neither has she. If it's a matter that he has not abused her, don't make that an issue. Leave the man's house, and do so early.


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