The love of my life said I’m too young for him

Dear Pastor,

I would like some fatherly advice on some issues. I have a next-door neighbour who has a 21-year-old son. I started falling for him when I was nine years old and he was about 16. Eventually, I thought he started to fall for me, too. At least, that was what I thought. I thought this boy was my love at first sight. I gave him my first kiss and my virginity. I used to get jealous whenever I saw him talking to other girls, until I started to hear that he and my mom's best friend's daughter were having a relationship.

I used to get furious, until one day, I saw him with a girl. Then, I heard that he had a girlfriend. He said he loved me the night we had sex, but he said I was too young for him, so I should wait. We still talk and stuff like that, but in secret; he has a girlfriend now. We are actually fighting over this guy. So, Pastor, please help me.

B.B.

Dear B.B.,

Poor you. At age nine, you didn't know anything about intimacy or love apart from the love that we should all have for one an other, which is really social. Perhaps you were exposed to people having sex at a very tender age, so you thought you were quite able to do the same. The young man recognised that you were too young for him to be intimate with you. Yet, he yielded to temptation and had sex with you. Then, he told you that you were too young for both of you to have such a relationship.

He was wrong to take advantage of you. You thought that by having sex with you, he would consider you his girlfriend and be faithful to you, but you were wrong. He saw you as just another girl, and he doesn't care. That is why he is playing around with other girls who are older than you.

I want you to recognise that you have made mistakes. Quit trying to throw yourself at this man, and concentrate on your schoolwork. Put your life into your schoolwork. Aim high. The time will come when you will be able to deal with this mat ter of love, but not right now. Don't fight with other girls over this man. Please, I beg you, leave this young man alone.

And, even if he comes around to tell you that he is sorry, tell him that you are not interested in him anymore.

Pastor