Thinking about getting wife number four

Dear Pastor,

I hope that everything is going well with you. Things are not going well with me.

I am a New Yorker and I came across your column. I saw it in the paper when I was visiting my girlfriend, who is a Jamaican.

I found it interesting. I am having a problem with her, so I would like to get your advice.

I have been married three times. I divorced my last wife because I got involved with this Jamaican beauty. She is living with her sister.

She does not want to live on her own because she can't afford it. I have my own apartment, but my children come and stay with me on the weekends.

So, I can't take my girlfriend to live with me. During the week is okay, but not on weekends. She is working by taking care of some senior citizens during the week, so she can't visit me during that time. Weekends are the most convenient time.

She accused me of cheating because sometimes when she calls and I don't answer, she thinks that I have a woman in the house.

Her last boyfriend she had in Jamaica was a cheater, so she does not trust men. She wants us to get married, but I don't know her well enough and I am afraid to get married again.

I took her to spend Thanksgiving with my parents and children. My folks live in North Carolina. They like her, but she had a hard time fitting in.

Do you think I should consider marrying this woman? I told her to give up her job because if I am to settle down with her, I can't have her working every night. I am confused.

E.W.

Dear E.W.,

This is not a solid relationship. You have issues and you have to work on your issues. I know you do. Something must be basically wrong why you haven't been able to stay in a relationship.

I am not here condemning you. But how come you have been married and divorced three times? Do you want to tell me that all three women were bad women?

Do you consider yourself at fault at all? I am not blaming you. I am just asking questions.

This lovely Jamaican woman that you now have has expressed her concerns about you. She is not wrong. Any intelligent woman would do so.

Right now, you don't fully trust her and she doesn't fully trust you. So, this relationship is not going anywhere.

Perhaps what both of you should do is to make an appointment to see a family counsellor and decide whether the relationship can move forward. I wish both of you well.

Pastor