Rasta husband wants me to stop eating pork

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for the second time. I am 27 years old and I am married. I got married when I was 24.

My husband was a very clean man. He used to always shave. We went to live at a certain area in Kingston and he got into the wrong group of guys.

I would call him two to three times per night and he would tell me he was coming home, but just enjoying dominoes.

Sometimes he came home after I have gone to bed because I could not stay up.

Gradually, my husband started to tell me that he didn't like the way I was carrying myself. My skirts were too short and I should not use salt when I was cooking for him.

I love to cook stew peas, but had to stop because he did not want me to have anything to do with pork. I asked for a compromise.

My mother does not live very far from us, so one weekend I bought pig's tail and put it away because I was unable to get to my mother to give to her and to ask her to cook it for me.

My husband found it and threatened to throw it away, but he didn't.

He started to grow his hair long and everything I did was wrong. I am a Sunday worshipper and my husband was one too, but he changed and was defending the Sabbath.

LEAVE ME ALONE

I told him that he could do what he wanted but he should leave me alone and allow me to worship my way. He says he is a defender of Haile Selassie and that Jesus is a white man.

We do not have children. I always wanted children, but now my mind has changed. I don't want to have children with my husband.

When I told him so, he said that I didn't want to have children with him because I saw somebody in the church. That is not true, Pastor, but my life has become miserable.

To please him, I have to be cooking two pots, one with salt and one without. I like to wear pants, but my husband does not want me to wear pants anymore.

The guys he is moving with are almost all Rastas. He does not want me to talk to anybody about the problems we are having. What should I do?

C.K.

Dear C.K.,

I knew a man who was a very hard worker. He was always trying to improve his education. I did not see him for a while and eventually, when I saw him, I wondered at the transformation.

He was trying to assure me that nothing was wrong with him, he was just trying to get to know himself.

Some people have become Rastafarians, and they defend their transformation by saying that they are getting to know themselves or learning who they are. What is unfortunate about that is that they turn against Christianity and speak ill of it.

Many believe that Christians worship Babylon and a white Jesus. It is very difficult to reason with some of them. On the other hand, some Rastafarians are very tolerant and can defend what they believe.

I am very sorry to hear that your husband has now taken the position that you should not eat what he doesn't want to eat. If he doesn't want to eat meat or use salt, he should not insist that you must do likewise.

Sometimes the company a person keeps can indeed tell you much about them. I would encourage you to continue to do your best as his wife.

He believes that you should lengthen your skirt and that you should not wear pants. That is something for both of you to reason with each other about.

I hope he would not insist on minor things which would cause the relationship to be destroyed. Your husband should not believe that he knows everything and that he cannot be counselled. So I hope that he will come to himself and that he will seek professional help.

Pastor