My husband is stingy with money

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you as I am having a problem. I am a regular listener to your night show and I read your column every day.

My husband says that sometimes you are one-sided. He says that you take up a lot for the women. I told him you are fair.

These men can't stand the truth, and when you talk the truth they get upset.

I have been married for two years now. We don't have children together. I have to beg my husband for money. On Saturdays when I need money to go to the supermarket, we always get into an argument.

He does not give me more than $10,000. I told him that $10,000 cannot buy much, and he says it is only the two of us. I am sure my husband eats more than $10,000 in three days. He is a big eater.

When I fuss, he says I should contribute the rest of money. He has an outside child and he gives the mother $3,000 every two weeks.

She is threatening to take him to court. He says he is going to file for custody. I asked him where he was going to take the child and he said to our house.

I told him no way. She is just jealous; she wanted him to marry her.

I have a good job and my husband has a good job. We are saving to buy a home. When I got married, my husband was not saving anything. I insisted that he should show me his payslip.

Now I know that he is saving. He wants us to buy a house in the country and travel to Kingston every day to work. I am not a country girl; I don't like living in the country.

I want to know how to get my husband to change.

H.F.

Dear H.F.,

Perhaps before you got married, your partner and yourself did not undergo premarital counselling. These sessions would have helped your husband to understand that a young couple ought to know how to make a budget and stick with it.

The budget would include how much should be taken out for pocket money, how much to take out for travelling to and from work per week, how much for charity (church), how much for rent and utility bills, and how much for food and savings.

Some people definitely do not know how to go about making budgets and there is where the counsellor would come in and assist.

You say that your husband and yourself do not have children and he gives you only $10,000 per week to go to the supermarket.

USE THE MONEY WISELY

That is indeed very small, but some people don't even earn $10,000 per week; $10,000 is more than the minimum wage, and if both of you decide to live within and below your means, both of you can use your $10,000 intelligently.

As your husband says, if you find that it's not enough, you can chip in and put more. I don't mean to be rude; I am just talking the truth.

He gives his child's mother $3,000 every two weeks. That is not enough; he should step up that amount and not allow her to take him to court.

You do not like to live in rural Jamaica. Both of you should talk to a financial adviser, who would suggest the best place to put your savings and where to invest.

I am glad that your husband reads my column and I hope that he would continue. I am not worried about his criticism. I hope that he would treat you well.

I endeavour at all times to be fair. If a woman is wrong, I would say she is wrong. If a man is wrong, I would say he is wrong.

That is not taking sides. That is judging each case on its own merit.

Pastor