I can’t trust this man anymore

Dear Pastor,

I am 32 and I have two daughters by one man. This man is well known in Jamaica. When I had my first child, he promised that we would get married.

He went away and got involved with another woman. I heard about it and he admitted it and told me that he made a mistake.

He said he could never marry her because she was not wife material. He convinced me, and after two years he got me pregnant again. I asked him about marriage.

He told me that it is in the pipeline. I told him that both of us should work on that.

The girl he got involved with in the US came to Jamaica and married him. He didn't tell me anything about it; one of his friends did.

I decided not to have anything else to do with him. He told me that I should just "cool" myself because what he did would benefit me and the children because he did not intend to stay with the girl.

After saying that to me, he had his picture and the girl's photo on Facebook. People say that he can't go back to the US. He said he can go back at anytime. I don't argue with him because he should know.

When he wants to talk to his people abroad, he goes outside and sits under a tree. Sometimes he would be out there for hours. These days, I don't even want him to touch me.

A few nights ago I almost stabbed him, because he wanted sex and I refused to give him.

I got off the bed and went on the floor and he came down there trying to open my legs and I fought my way through and pulled out the drawer and my scissors. The children woke up and my son told him to leave me alone.

He tried to get my children to go back to bed but they said no, so he left the house.

I don't want to stay with this man. He lies so much, I can't accept anything he says. He caused me to hate men.

The woman he married does not speak to me. He has stopped giving me money to pay the rent, but I have two brothers and they assist me.

He says whenever I agree to give him sex, things would get back to normal; but I don't see that happening.

I am planning to leave him. If he wants to help his children when they grow older, it is up to him.

S.A.

Dear S.A,

It has taken you a long time to realise that this man was only using you. He is not a serious family man. A serious family man would have at least tried to protect himself and his woman.

He went to the US and got involved with another woman up there. He was always promising you marriage. He was taking you as a 'puppet'.

I can see that you believed him at first and really thought that he would marry you. He did not have that in mind.

What is despicable is that he kept the relationship with this woman and then married her without your knowledge.

That is a deceptive and wicked man. He wants you to continue having an intimate relationship with him and to behave as if all is well between the both of you.

He is not good. How can he expect you to just sit and wait on him?

Perhaps what he is trying to tell you is that he intends to divorce that woman after he receives his green card and marry you. But you would be a fool to believe that.

I don't want you to get into any trouble by stabbing this man or drawing his blood in any way. So I would say to you that it is time for you to leave this man permanently and take your children with you.

You have brothers who will help you, so you are not alone. Don't allow another month to go by without making a firm decision to leave this man alone.

Whatever you are planning to do, get the police involved because you may never know if this man will try to hurt you.

Pastor