My mother called my wife a black b!tch

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of the Tell Me Pastor column. I can say that I am one of your fans. I am 33 years old. I got married about three years ago to a beautiful Jamaican girl, but my family members don't like her.

She is an uptown girl and she does not like the crowd to be in and out of her place. My mother and my siblings live in the inner city. Every week, my mother wants money from me.

I told her not to come to my workplace and she stopped for a few weeks, then started again. I am so embarrassed. I moved from where I was living and my mother found out my new address and came there. It is a gated community, and when my wife heard who was there to see her, she went out and gave my mother $3,000 on my behalf, and told her that she will not give her any more money.

My mother, I was told, cursed some 'bad words'. I came home late from work and my wife broke down and cried. My wife is pregnant and my mother told her that she doesn't love her, and that the child she is carrying is for another man.

I had to console my wife that night, and I told her that is not the way how I feel. She kept crying and it was difficult to console her. I know my wife will never love my mother. My wife is of very dark complexion and my mother called her a 'black b!tch'.

I have sisters and they don't work; they rely on men to support them. I know I can make it in Jamaica, but because of my parents and other family members, I am going to leave Jamaica because they destroyed my family.

O.L.

Dear O.L.

There are times when a son or a daughter has to take very harsh decisions against his or her parents. There are some parents who totally rely on their children for their sustenance. These parents made no provision for their senior years.

Some have not encouraged their sons to get married because they believe that their sons would not be in a position to give them as much as when they were single. Some daughters-in-law don't have to do anything that is wrong for their mothers-in-law to hate them.

They just don't like the daughters-in-law because they feel that these daughters-in-law are taking away what they, the mothers, should have. Therefore, it is prudent for a son to make it clear to his mother that now that he is married, he can only do so-and-so for her.

Of course, if she is a good mother, he could have employed her in his house to do certain things or takes care of her grandchildren and pay her a salary.

Your mother does not know how to conduct herself and your wife has been trying to keep a distance. She is quite correct in doing so. You should continue to assist your mother financially, but she wants too much and you have an obligation to take care of your family. She cannot expect to treat your wife with disdain and expect you to be happy with her. Excuse me for saying that your mother is out of order, but she has no right to disturb your wife in any way.

So whatever you have to give to your mother, I would suggest that you take it to her or send it to her by a bearer. Be careful what you do with your future. You are a Jamaican; you shouldn't allow your mother to cause you to leave the land of your birth.

Pastor