I can’t find a man to love me

June 05, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am writing for the first time, but I am a frequent reader of your column. I am a 37-year-old woman who was never shown love as a child. I started dating when I was 19, and I had my daughter at 25. I am, however, going through a trauma. I can't find love, pastor.

My first relationship didn't work, so I moved on. I wasn't feeling any love. I have been in a relationship for five years, but it's not going anywhere. I travel overseas to work, and I met a guy a month ago. He treats me well, but he belongs to someone else. It's a short-term relationship, but I have never been treated so well. It's now killing me that this man will soon be leaving to go back to his family.

I told him I wasn't interested in a short-term relationship. However, I fell for him. Pastor, I am having constant headaches. I am so stressed and depressed. Sometimes I wonder if God forgets me. I just feel like I don't want to live anymore. I have been a pretender all my life. Everybody thinks I am happy, but I am always hurting. I just need someone who loves me and who will treat me right.

I am not sure I did a good job in summarising my story, but I am willing to give you a call in case you need more information before assessing my situation. I am desperately awaiting your response. God bless you.

M.M.

Dear M.M.,

I get it. You believe that if you were to get a good man who is unattached in your life, all your trials, your depression and stress would be gone, and you would be the happiest woman in the world.

But, I am here to tell you that you are making a very big mistake. Life has its ups and downs and its crises. And these things come to everybody - the young, the old, the middle age, the unemployed and the employed.

One has to learn how to deal with his or her problems. You might not have felt that you were loved when you were growing up, but you are 37 years old and some of the problems that you have faced were not created by your parents or your relatives, but by yourself. Everybody goes through some of the things that you are going through.

You have had a broken relationship, and it has really hurt, but it didn't kill you. Perhaps you went into the relationship with all your heart. But most people who have had broken relationships did not fall in love and expect them to break up, they wanted them to last. And some of these folks have taken years to get over relationships ending. But, through counselling and therapy, they were able to move on.

TOO MUCH CONFIDENCE IN MEN

Perhaps you have put too much confidence in men. Perhaps you need to look at your own life and see where you are going wrong, because I am sure that you have made many mistakes. For example, this man you found and became involved with recently; you knew he had a woman in his life, but you did not walk away from him. You went into the relationship with open eyes and then you blamed God for not helping you.

If you believe that all you need is a man to make you happy, you are making a mistake. I am not saying that you should not have a man in your life, but having a man in your life is no guarantee that you would be happy. So, my suggestion to you is to seek the good guidance of the Lord. Put God first in your life, work hard, save your money, don't look at others and judge yourself. God will never let you down. Take care of yourself.

If a man comes into your life, check him out. Don't spend any of your money on him. Don't forget that most men are liars, and it is not easy to know that they are not speaking the truth, because they all are likely to tell you that they have never met another woman like you. Don't swallow the juice.

Pastor

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