Babyfather is only a sperm donor

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 years old, and I am living in Jamaica. I have a child with a man who is living in America. I have a boyfriend now because my babyfather and I are not together anymore.

When he left Jamaica, he promised that he would come back and marry me. He told me not to get involved with any man. I believed him, but his family never liked me. So they lied on me. Even when I didn't have anybody in my life, they told him I did. Then he started to question whether the child was his. I had his number, but he changed his number, and he also changed his address.

I asked his people for his address and number, and they refused to give them to me. When he just went away, he would send me support for his child. He stopped sending money to me and would give his sister money to give me. I took it because I needed it to help to support the child. There are times when the little girl would ask me if she could not talk to her daddy, and I have to tell her that I don't have her dad's number.

One day I said it to his sister when she called me and told me that she had money from him for me. She said I should bring the little girl with me when I was collecting the money. So, I took my daughter. And her aunt dialled his number and gave the phone to the little girl and she spoke to him. He told her that he loves her and she asked him how could he love her when he doesn't call her. He promised that he would call her. He also told her that she has a brother in America, and one day she will meet him. That was the first time I was hearing that he had another child.

HE IS UNFAIR

This man is just a sperm donor. He has a woman there but didn't want me to have a man here. He was so unfair. He told my daughter that I am to be blamed for him not marrying me. I took the phone from the little girl and gave him a piece of my mind.

Do you think he was right to be telling the girl such a lie? What he is sending is not enough for her to go to school and to buy grocery. Sometimes I wonder if I should bother to take the little money that he is sending. My boyfriend says I should stop taking the money, especially now that he is questioning whether the child is his. But he knows that the child is his. He just wants me to feel like I am a trash.

My daughter calls the man I am living with daddy, and her father is upset about that. But he is the one who does everything for her, and he is the only daddy she knows.

Y.L.

Dear Y.L.,

Your daughter should continue to call this man dad. Her biological father is not around and he hasn't been around for a long time. And his relatives don't treat you with re spect. He does not directly communicate with you. They never liked you, so you don't need to worry about them.

It must be a terrible insult for you to be collecting child support through one of this man's siblings. What message are they sending to you? I know your boyfriend told you not to accept the money that he is sending, but I disagree. Take whatever he sends. It is better to receive it that way than not to receive any at all. And, please, understand that your daughter will grow up and she would understand that her father has not treated her well and has not treated you well. He is a silly man.

If he really has questions about whether he is the father of this child, it is easy for a DNA testing to be done when he returns to Jamaica. I am still wondering why he is refusing to talk to you. You know that he has a woman and he knows you have a man, so there is no need for him to be hiding what he is doing in America.

Pastor