Husband wants a divorce because I gave him ‘bun’

Dear Pastor,

I am in need of your help. I am married and I have one child with my husband. This was a marriage that I had to do, but my whole heart was not in it.

My husband went back to the US one week after we got married. But he got me pregnant before that.

My husband sent me money every month and we talked almost every day. After I had the baby, he encouraged me to move into his mother's house because he was paying her rent and had to assist me with my rent.

I agreed to go and live there. His mother was a good help to me. Se assisted me in taking care of my baby.

But pastor, she was very inquisitive, and anybody who came to see me, she told my husband. If I went out, it seemed as if she wrote down the time I left and the time I came in.

Pastor, I like having sex. I cheated on my husband a few times with a guy I knew long before my husband. He asked me to marry him, but I couldn't.

To be frank, he was my second boyfriend and when it comes to making love, he is far better than my husband.

One day, I told my mother-in-law that I was going out to an event hosted by my workplace. But I only dropped in there and left because I wanted to spend time with this guy.

Believe me, pastor, I went to his house and spent time with him. I showered at his apartment, used his cologne and went home.

When I went home, my mother-in-law was still up at about 11:30 p.m.

I didn't know that she told my husband the time I came in. He asked me about it a couple of days after and he said that he would like to buy the same cologne that I used when I went to the party, because his mother said it smelt nice.

I was surprised and I told him that he did not have to buy that because I had enough cologne. At another time, my husband and I were talking and he said to me that he felt that I was cheating.

I told him he didn't need to worry about that at all because I was not cheating. Then he said he dreamt that he saw me with a man and the man was holding my hand.

I told him that I could swear on The Bible that I was not cheating; but I was.

I asked him if he was cheating and he told me no. He kept asking me about this cheating until I told him that if that's the only thing we could talk about, he could stop calling me.

One day, my husband called me and told me that he had become a Christian and he would like to confess something to me.

He said that he cheated on me with a young woman who is in the church. She was divorced. She invited him home for Sunday dinner and they had a couple of drinks and ended up in bed.

He asked me what I had to say about that and I told him nothing. He said he didn't expect me to be so cool about it. Then he asked me "Have you ever cheated on me?" and I told him yes, just one time. But it was more than once.

He EXPECTED BETTER FROM me

He told me that as a woman, he did not expect me to do that and I couldn't do what a man does. Now my husband has asked me for a divorce and one of the reasons is that I am a cheater.

He said he cannot get the thought out of his head that I cheated on him, and that he suspected me a long time ago.

Pastor, I am only 25. My husband is 39. I was hoping that through the marriage I would get my green card. I know that this marriage couldn't last because I don't love him. Please, I am asking you what to do.

S.B.

Dear S.B.,

If this man wants to divorce you, you can't stop him. But why would you think about fighting this divorce when you know that you do not love him?

I suggest, therefore, that when the documents come to you, sign them and send them back. You may try to get him to make the commitment to support his child.

So that should be stated in the divorce by the lawyer who is handling it. Of course, it would be better if you have a lawyer, too, to look after your own interest.

When people are getting married, they should truly love each other. You didn't love this man. He might have loved you, but you didn't love him.

You wanted a green card and you saw that through your husband, that would be possible. But what you wanted from the 'bunna man' was good sex, and according to what you have written, that is what you got.

Your husband says he can't live with the thought that you cheated on him, but he expected you to forgive him for what he has done. He is dumb.

Pastor