Husband calls my family low-class people

Dear Pastor,

I have been married for five years, and my husband and I have a three-year-old daughter. My husband is from a middle-class family. They are high achievers. When I was pregnant my husband told me he wants to send his daughter or son to prep school. I told him that he should wait until I give birth before thinking about that.

Six months after I gave birth to a girl, my husband wanted us to register her at a particular school. I went along with it. As the child grew up, my husband didn't want her to stay with my side of the family for any long period. He called them low-class people. Many times I had to remind him to be careful how he addresses my people, and he would say yes, it is true.

So, our daughter is now in prep school, and her father is already calling her doctor and telling her that she is going to be brilliant and operate on people. When our friends come by and they call her by her first name, she says, ' doctor so and so'. I always have to explain to them that her father calls her doctor and he tells her that she is going to be a brilliant doctor.

My husband lost his job, and what I am earning is not enough to support us and to pay for our daughter to go to this expensive prep school. Our rent is also high. My aunt suggested that we could come and live with her because she is living alone, and there are two vacant bedrooms. We would only have to share the kitchen. But my proud husband doesn't want to go to that area. The area is not upscale, but it is not a ghetto, and right now we are running behind in everything.

My husband reads your column, and he listens to you every night on Power 106 FM. Could you please say something that would cause him to swallow his pride and agree for us to go and live at my aunt's house. It is a beautiful place. She loves our little daughter. She doesn't have any children of her own. Please, pastor, don't ignore my letter.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

I want you to know that nothing is wrong when parents have high goals and objectives for their children. In fact, some psychologists suggest that parents should instil in their children what they should aspire to be before they get to the age of seven. However, they have to realise that, ultimately, the children have the final say.

Don't condemn what he is trying to instil in his daughter. He has gone to the extreme, but he means well.

Right now, he needs to swallow his pride and accept the offer of your aunt and move in, until he gets another job and is in a position to rent another home. If he loves you, he would do so. I believe that it is the proper thing to do. Sometimes the things that you would want in life take time to achieve. I hope that your husband would remember that your happiness is important, and so he must get rid of his selfish ways.

Pastor