Love my boyfriend, but my sideman has more money

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I am having a problem. I live with my boyfriend, but I am friendly with another man who is very kind to me. My boyfriend doesn't have much.

We are living with his grandmother, who is 80. She is still strong, but she doesn't want him to live at her house with a woman.

She told me that would bring a curse on her because as a Christian, she shouldn't allow anybody who is related to her to be living together in the house with a girlfriend or boyfriend. They should be married.

My boyfriend told her that he has to love the woman he is going to marry. He had a girlfriend before me and his grandmother loved her because her parents were a part of her church. But he said that the girl was lazy and she didn't cook, and when he came home from work, he had to rely on the food his grandmother cooked.

Hid grandmother had to make him breakfast, too.

One day, they had a fight and he threw her things outside and that was the end of it. He had some money, but he spent it to take care of his grandmother.

NOT READY TO GET MARRIED

I am not ready to get married as yet and I don't want a private wedding. I want my friends to attend. There are two other brothers, but they don't help their grandmother because she told them that she is giving her house to my boyfriend.

So, they said that he should take care of her until she dies. That is not fair, because their mother died many years ago and it was their grandmother who took care of them and sent them to school.

My boyfriend doesn't make much and that is the reason why I keep another man, but he doesn't know that.

I don't use where I am living as my address. I use my sister's address. This guy does not live in Jamaica. Any day he tells me that he is coming to Jamaica, I will stop corresponding with him because I don't want to break up with my boyfriend.

Sometimes I feel like I should stop taking his money, but I need the money to help me to go to evening classes.

Sometimes when I get money and my boyfriend questions me, I tell him that it is my uncle who sent it. He knows my uncle, so he believes me. My sister knows that I am fooling around, but she wouldn't tell my boyfriend.

What should I do?

B.M.

Dear B.M.,

End the relationship with this money man. If you love your boyfriend, be satisfied with what he is able to give to you.

This world is small. You may think that only your sister knows about the other man, but he might tell other folks about you.

The news may get around to your boyfriend, and then your boyfriend would look at you as a deceiver.

I am sure you wouldn't want your boyfriend to know that you have another man in your life. So, don't play around.

His grandmother has declared that the house is going to your boyfriend. Perhaps she has already made her will. Your boyfriend would be very fortunate to have a house.

Your boyfriend's grandmother wants to see him married. She believes that a young man should find a good woman, get married and settle down. Don't try to argue over that.

In fact, you would be wise to have very little to say when the matter of marriage comes up. Allow your boyfriend to deal with that. Try to get very close with his grandmother.

COMMON SENSE

Offer to help her with her house chores. If you are wise and you use common sense, she would do her best to help you in every way.

She may not agree with everything you do and you may not agree with everything she does, but I believe that you can live happily with this woman.

I will say one more thing before I go. You would like to have a big wedding, and perhaps you would like your husband to buy you a very expensive ring.

But remember that it is not necessary to have a big reception right away. In fact, you can have a very small wedding and in a few years, when you are in a position to have a big feast, you can do so with all your friends.

Many couples have done so. By the way, you do not even have to purchase a ring. So these are things you should consider and discuss with your b oyfriend.

If you have the right attitude towards a wedding, your boyfriend might be willing to get married much earlier than you are planning. I wish both of you well.

Pastor