My babyfather has no ambition

Dear Pastor,

I have read the advice that you have been giving to people all the time so I know you can help me to solve my issues.

I got pregnant with my first child when I was 18. I had to take care of that child financially without help, except that of my parents.

At 23, I met my second child's father and before you knew it, I was pregnant again. My life has been a roller coaster since.

This man has no dreams or aspirations and I believe that it's time I move on.

He has been in one job for 11 years and still being paid at minimum wage, and has no hopes of moving on.

I have moved from job to job trying to make life better for my children and I still haven't found a job that would assist me better financially.

I am in my third year at university doing my degree part-time.

GOING BACK TO OLD WAYS

I spoke to him countless times about trying to do something different and he would agree, but a few days later he would go back to his old ways.

I have given up trying now. His only interest is to be on the computer doing nothing productive.

I have to beg family members and friends for money to assist me in going to work and school at times. We can't buy basic stuff for the children because of the bills. So that's why I keep job hunting.

I told him that I want to get out of the relationship but he keeps on saying that he won't allow his son to grow up without a father, so he will not leave.

My son also has anger issues so I'm wondering if the break-up will affect him more.

My babyfather is not motivated by anything, and he likes the idea of me going out to work. We don't go out together and he doesn't give me money for myself.

The only time he gives me money to do my hair is when he wants sex. I resent him more and more each day to the point where I don't want to go home to see him.

I am 30 years old now and I want better for myself and my children. The more I have to beg is the more I resent him. I am looking forward for your advice.

N.S.

Dear N.S.,

Your man does not appear to be very ambitious. He is not embarrassed either. He should be embarrassed because he ought to know that you are always borrowing money to meet your bills.

You say that he has been in one job for years. Nothing is wrong in being in one job if you are making progress. And by that I mean moving from one position to the other.

But to be working for minimum wage for years means that your man is not stepping up at all. He is at the bottom of the ladder.

You have been attending university. He should have gone back to school also. So, I can see why you don't want to stick around with this man any longer.

Perhaps someone needs to show him that this relationship will indeed be destroyed and he would have contributed to the destruction if he doesn't change.

I am not encouraging you to leave your man. So perhaps what both of you should agree to do is to go and see a family counsellor and then decide whether you should stay together.

Pastor