Husband threatening to give me ‘bun’

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you from New York. I read your column online. You are doing a good job. I am married and I have three children.

They are in Jamaica. I am doing a little hustling, but I hope to go home. I know that things are not right in my family. My husband does gardening, and we can hardly manage.

Since I have been here, I have been able to send money for him and the children. I love my husband, but life is so hard in Jamaica.

When I told my husband that I was going to stay, he started to accuse me right away of having a man. I don't have a man. I don't have the time for that.

I work every day and on Saturdays. I only have time to do a little work for myself and on Sundays, I go to church.

I live at the same place that I work, but on weekends I go to my sister's home. My husband told me that if I didn't come home by the end of November, he was going to find somebody to take my place.

I am thinking about what he said. My sister told me that she did not want to get involved between my husband and myself.

But I am thinking about the children, because we do not even have a home of our own.

My husband is a man and men can't hold out for a long time when it comes to sex. When I asked my husband why he is threatening me, if he had a girlfriend he said he did not have a girlfriend, but he had feelings. I didn't want to mess up my visa, so I may go home for a while.

My sister and her husband are trying to sponsor me through a lawyer.

Since I have been here, I have saved enough to buy a van, and when I go back to Jamaica I am going to buy it and give it to my husband to work.

H.S.

Dear H.S.,

I cannot encourage you to remain abroad illegally. Your husband and you were not doing well financially, but you were not starving.

AVOID TROUBLE

I could understand why you are tempted to remain abroad, but please, I repeat, don't do anything that could get you into trouble or that may make it very difficult for you to get another visa.

If it is possible for your sister and her husband to sponsor you that would be wonderful, but I would encourage you to come back to Jamaica while your papers are being processed.

Your husband has threatened that he would find another woman; don't take his threats lightly.

Pastor