Husband thinks I’m sleeping with the organist

Dear Pastor,

I would like you to tell me whether I was right or wrong in dealing with a problem. I am the choir director in my church, so the organist and myself work closely together.

Sometimes he calls me on the phone to discuss the choir pieces. My husband does not like when he calls because many times, he calls about 9 p.m. My husband says no man should call a married woman at that time of the night.

Whenever he calls I am not in bed, and I don't go one side to talk to him. My husband can hear what I am saying to him. My husband told me I should tell him not to call at that time.

But I did not say anything to the gentleman, because I know the type of work he does and what time he gets home. So, I ignored my husband and I told him that he should stop being jealous.

My husband went behind my back and complained to the pastor, and told him that it seems as if the organist is either having an affair with me or wants to have an affair with me.

The pastor spoke to the organist about it and he was very upset. He went as far as to tell my husband that he was a jackass and he has no brain. I have never been so embarrassed in the church. Now, the organist is threatening not to work with me.

Pastor, I have been married for five years. I have never even looked at another man. The pastor had to beg the organist not to stop playing for the church because he was threatening to leave.

My husband told the organist that he had to tell the pastor what the organist was doing because anything could develop between me and him.

Pastor, I have four children; two boys and two girls. I wouldn't do anything to cause my children to disrespect me. The biggest mistake I made in life was when I married my husband.

I reminded him that when I met him, he had nothing and he could barely sign his name. When we went to see the pastor after he accused me of cheating, I exposed him.

I told the pastor that he was never in my class. The pastor laughed and told him that he should wash my feet and drink the water.

He tried to make up with me. He went out and bought me earrings. They are still in the box. I told him that I will give them away and that he can go back to the pastor and complain.

I also told the children that he went to the pastor and complained about me and the organist, and the children told him that he should not have done that. So he is saying that I have set up the children against him. Pastor, tell me where I went wrong.

S.E.

Dear S.E.,

Your husband has embarrassed you. He told you that he did not like the organist calling you at 9 p.m. Even if your husband did not like that, it was not a matter to be taken to the pastor.

Your husband did not do it because he was jealous, but because he lacked common sense. He should have known that was a matter that should have been kept between the two of you.

By telling another person, he was demonstrating his ignorance and lack of confidence in you.

I don't blame you for telling that pastor about him and where you are coming from with him. He believes that you shamed him before the pastor.

But he embarrassed you by complaining about you and the organist. I hope he has learnt his lesson. I am glad your children stood up for you.

I have to tell you, however, that you should wear the earrings he bought. That is a way he is trying to make up with you. So please, don't give them away or sell them to anybody.

I hope the organist at the church would remain in his position and not leave.

Pastor