Babyfather won’t give me money without sex

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you with tears in my eyes. I am 27 years old and I have two children. Their father and I were friends from I was 18 years old. He wilfully got me pregnant when I was 19.

Less than two years after I had our first child, I found myself pregnant again.

My mother who was a deaconess said I brought shame on the family. I was still at home. My father encouraged me to go back to school. My mother said she didn't care what I did. I started to go to evening classes to get some more passes.

I begged my mother to help me with the children. Their father was trying to support them, but every week he wanted me to have sex with him and whenever I said no, he wouldn't give me any money.

Finally, I made up my mind that if I had to have sex with him for him to support his own children, I wouldn't have sex with him.

NO CONDOM

This man is much older than I am and he is living with a woman. I won't lie. Before I got pregnant, he treated me well. After I got the first child, I told him that we must use the condom.

He said that he would pull out whenever we were having sex and he felt he was about to discharge. That is how he got me pregnant the second time.

One day he picked me up after I went to class. He took out some money from his pocket and said that it was $7,000 and he would give it to me, but I had to give him some sex. I told him I was not feeling well.

He started to curse me and he accused me of having another man with him. I told him to keep his $7,000 and to drop me at the bus stop. He dropped me at the bus stop and when I went home, I was crying.

My parents asked me what was the problem and I told them. They told me that I should not ask him for any more money for the children.

My father builds furniture and he helps me. But he does not have money all the time to give to me. I am now working. I am not interested in having any man. I am asking you please for your advice.

M.W.

Dear M.W.,

I don't have to comment on the mistakes you have made. But I would say you have a very good father. He is disappointed in you, but he is doing his best to help you. He should be commended.

The father of these children is no good. You should stop the crying and take this man to court. Don't be afraid. Let your parents know that you have made up your mind to take him to court for support for the children.

Expect this man to lie in court and to say that he has been supporting them. So, if possible, retain a lawyer to stand up for you in court. Any man who would refuse to support his children unless their mother agrees to have sex with him should face the court. So don't allow this man to get away with what he is doing.

Pastor