Didn’t know my man got married

Dear Pastor,

I would say that I never thought that I would ever have to write to you. I thought I was strong and that I could solve my problems for myself.

I am 24 years old and I have two children. I have been with their father for four years. The relationship started well, but because of another girl, he started to abuse me.

This man is four years older than I am. He got involved with this girl who lives in the US. She came to Jamaica two years ago to attend a wedding.

My children's father drove her and others around while she was here. He hooked up with her, and, according to him, he only did so because she promised to help him.

While that woman was here, he hardly came home. One night he did not come home at all. I suspected that he slept with her that night. He did not deny that he got involved with her.

He said what he was doing was to help the both of us and our children, and that he will never leave me for another woman. I love this man.

Unknown to me, the woman came back to Jamaica and got married to him privately. When I found out, it was too late and I couldn't do anything about it. I saw text messages on his phone from her.

She called him her husband. I am still holding on to him. But one of his male friends told me that I am wasting my time. I still cook, wash and take care of him, but I can't stop crying. I don't know what to do.

I will never love another man as I have loved this man. I am very confused. Whenever I think about what this man has done to me, I cry.

Sometimes even when I am having sex with him, I am crying, and he is always telling me to stop crying. Thank you for reading my letter. Please, give me your advice.

C.M.

Dear C.M.,

This man is willing to sell his soul to get the opportunity to live in the US. He cannot say that you have not treated him well. What he is trying to assure you about is that he will never abandon you and what he did will benefit the children and you.

That is what men say when they are planning to leave their women and children in Jamaica and marry American women. I know he said much more than that to you.

He is trying to give you hope, but you cannot be sure what will happen when he gets to the US.

I can only encourage you to try and carve out a future for yourself and for your children without this man, because it would be very unwise for you to put your confidence in him.

He should not fool himself. It is not going to be easy for him to walk away from this woman who came to Jamaica and got married to him.

If you do not have a job, try your best and get one for yourself. Right now he has made your future look very dark. But with the help of God, you will succeed in life. I wish you well.

Pastor