Heard that my girlfriend had an abortion

Dear Pastor,

I read your column every day and I am impressed by your answers. I am a 20-year-old man and my girlfriend is 22. When I met her, I lied.

I did not give her my correct age. I told her that I was the same age as her and she believed me so I rested the matter there.

When she found out the truth, she was upset and asked me why I had to lie. I told her I didn't think that she would want a guy who is younger than herself.

We got over that but she was not all together truthful either because I found out after our relationship was one year old, that she had previously got pregnant and lost the baby.

She said she lost it, but her sister told me that she 'threw the belly away'. I could not keep that to myself, so I asked her about it and she said, "Nothing like that".

My girlfriend is very beautiful, but I don't know if I could marry somebody who 'threw away a belly'.

W.D.

Dear W.D.,

It is always better for a couple to speak the truth when they are getting to know each other. You lied to this young woman because you felt that she would not go into a relationship with you because you are younger than her.

Some women say they do not want men who are younger than themselves. Of course, there are others, too, who don't make that bother them. You were wrong in lying to her about your age.

Later, you found out this young woman was pregnant and she told you she had a miscarriage, but her sister told you that she had terminated the pregnancy. She said that her sister was telling lies on her. What the sister told you has affected you. Have you wondered why the sister would tell you that? Could it be that the sister would not like you to be a part of their family? Could it be that she is jealous of your girlfriend? Maybe she wants a relationship with you, instead of you being with her sister.

What I suggest is that you may sit with the both of them and discuss the matter. If your girlfriend knows that she did not terminate the pregnancy and her sister is telling lies on her, let it be said in your presence so that you can plan your future together.

Let us assume that she really did abort the pregnancy and you don't feel that you're mature enough to deal with the matter. In that case, move on and do not condemn this beautiful woman.

Pastor