Married boyfriend promises he’s leaving his wife

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I have tried to reach you on radio but I was not able to do so; your lines are always jammed. I am just 24 years old. I have had several short relationships but never met a true loving man. All the guys I have met are players, drinkers, gamblers and womanisers. I have studied hard and I have earned my bachelor's degree and on my way to earning my master's degree. I have done so by working hard and living at home with my parents. Some of the guys I met wanted me to support them.

My father and mother were my strong defence and my Christian faith has helped me. But I am in love with a married man. He says that he is going to divorce his wife but he has not done so as yet. My clock is ticking. I would like to get married and have a child. But this man is still asking me to give him more time.

I don't want to have a child outside of wedlock, but this man said even if we should have a child outside of wedlock, he would support the child. It is not a matter of support; it is a matter of my pride. Another thing, this man says that his wife cheated on him with an old schoolmate, but he is not telling me the full truth because he still sleeps with her. How can he be sleeping with a woman and not having sex with her? He told me I should believe him but I do not believe that.

Fear is keeping me from getting involved with the other man I know who attended college with me. We were good friends but we have never been intimate. Pastor, please help me to make the right decision.

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

First, let me take time to congratulate you for studying hard and earning your degree, and I hope you would not do anything stupid to prevent you from doing your postgraduate studies. Although you are in love with this man who has been promising to divorce his wife and marry you, you do not know for sure whether he is speaking the truth, and you should keep in mind that a liar should never be trusted.

This man is still sleeping with his wife, and although I recognise that a man can sleep with a woman and not touch her, I don't believe that many men have the power to control themselves to that extent. This other guy that you met in college who is interested in you should be allowed to take you on a couple of dates. Don't throw yourself at him, you haven't done so in the past. So you should not want to do that now.

Perish the thought that your clock is ticking. You are only 24 years old; the alarm for the clock has a long way to go before it begins to ring. You don't want time to run away from you, but at the same time, you don't want to be in a hurry and run ahead of time.

Pastor