I don’t wanna be a player anymore

Dear Pastor,

I am a 30-year-old man and I am in love with a young woman, but I have not treated her right. I kept playing around with other women and whenever she complained, I brushed her aside.

I listened to friends who told me that every man should get the experience of having two or three girlfriends. She said that she was not prepared to stick around while I played the field. She was very faithful to me, but I was not faithful to her. I could check at her house anytime during the night and she was always home. Her relatives kept telling her to leave me because I was a 'cruff'.

The relationship started to go rocky when I started to drink and gamble. Whenever she asked me for money to pay school fees or to help her parents, I didn't have it to give her because I spent my money on gambling and on liquor and on other women. I told her she was my wife, but I did not show it.

One day I went to see her and I fell asleep and she went through my phone and convinced herself that I was making a 'puppet' of her. She broke up with me and she told me that nobody had to tell her that I was living a 'dog life'. I accused her of having a man, but she did not. I was the one who pushed her away. I could not bear to know that I was losing this woman. I promised her that I would change, and for two months I kept going to her house every night. Her folks saw me there and were laughing at me because my girlfriend would not sleep with me. She said we were done, and she told her people so. They asked why she was allowing me to come and there was nothing in the relationship and we were not having sex. She told them she was only doing so to help me recover from what I lost. She did not sleep with me.

Girls kept calling me, but I did not respond to their calls. There was no way she would take me back, but one day I got on my knees again and begged her and she said that I was a time waster and she wanted to move on so I should not come back to her house. But I went back repeatedly until her heart softened. She saw that I had changed my ways and she got me to change my number and we started over again. I did not even realise that I spent so many months without sex, but this woman and I did not have sex, although I secretly masturbate before going to bed.

Pastor, I would love to marry this woman who I cannot take for granted anymore. Very soon we will celebrate our renewal of friendship. I will never ignore a good woman again.

I don't drink and gamble anymore. I am home early. I wish I could turn back time, but it cannot be done. We are planning to see you to make our wedding arrangements. Please withhold our initials.

Initials withheld

Dear Writer,

You have been severely punished by your girlfriend, but the truth is, you punished her for a very long time because of the way you live. You were running the road but when you realised that you are going to lose this wonderful woman, you pulled up your socks and you have made a big change. I will be looking forward to hearing from you and to seeing the both of you. Only what you want me to divulge, I will divulge. Take care of yourself.

Pastor