My boyfriend is likely my brother

Dear Pastor,

Pastor, I am 20 years old and I was born in the ghetto. My mother has seven of us with three different men. I am her fifth child. My mother used to help herself with buying and selling.

My father is a truck driver and he was hardly home. Whenever he came home, he brought money for my mother. She would ask him "so where you slept"? and he would say she was asking too many questions. I have brothers and sisters on my father's side who I have never met; I don't know them at all.

Although my father was so wild, he used to tell me not to get mixed up with the guys in the area and that anything I asked him for, he would give me. I had sex for the first time when I was 17 years old and it was with a guy I went to school with. I like him very much but my father will never accept him because when I told my father about him recently, he said: "No no no, you have to leave that boy deh because him mother and me use to deh." I tried to ignore my boyfriend but the love I have for him is very strong. But everytime he tells me he wants to meet, I make silly excuses and now he is wondering if I have found another boyfriend.

I have not said anything to my mother about what my father told me. I don't want to go against what my father said because I don't want the relationship between us to become strained. Right now, I am attending nursing school and my father is very proud of me. Sometimes I say to myself, 'suppose I go against my father and my boyfriend turns out to be my brother'? I would have to kill myself.

P.

Dear P.,

I suggest that you end the relationship with this young man. Do not go any further with him and by not doing so, you will not greatly embarrass your father. You said your father was a wild man, but he has been a good father to you. He supported you and you were never in need. Although he was so wild, whenever he came home to your mother, he brought her money and now that you are in nursing school, he is helping you. He loves you and he is very proud of you. I hope that you would not tell your boyfriend what your father said about his mother and himself. You should keep what he said between the both of you. You are young so you will find another man who will love you, respect you and take good care of you, and you will take good care of him.

Pastor