Ex-boyfriend wanted me to become a Rasta

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 and I had a boyfriend in high school. Some of my girlfriends were jealous of me because, everywhere I went, he was with me.

He comes from a good home and always had money and he used to give me some of his pocket money. After we left high school,the relationship did not last long. He got involved with bad company and he started to use drugs and told me that I was worshipping a white Jesus. He became a Rasta. I was not against his religion but he wanted me to change my religion and to stop wearing pants and doing my nails.

He even wanted me to cut my hair and to allow my hair to grow naturally. I loved him but he wanted me to change overnight, so I started to pull away from him. Many times I did not answer his calls but I did not want to block him because I could not forget his kindness.

Finally, I told him that our relationship could not go on. He said I would regret leaving him. I am now dating another man. He wants to be a police officer. I don't want him to do that type of job but he says that's what he likes.

My Rasta friend has not given up on me but I have given up on him. My brother told me that I shouldn't get involved with another man so soon but, I do want to talk to somebody, especially at nights.

My brother lives with his girlfriend and I am living alone with my parents. I used to talk to my ex-boyfriend every night before going to bed, but this one I am talking to now doesn't always have enough credit to talk to me. I celebrated my birthday and he did not even buy me a gift. My Rasta friend asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I told him nothing but I only said so because I want to be free from him. What do you suggest I do?

E.

Dear E.,

First of all, let me hope that this young man who is now doing drugs would come to realise that he is going down a very bad path. He is going to destroy himself if he continues to use drugs, and you should try and encourage him to seek help. He can contact the National Council on Drug Abuse. If he is also dealing in drugs, he may end up in prison. So you're wise to end the relationship with him.

He wanted you to make radical changes and you are not prepared to change. So the relationship will never work. Plus, he is against your religion, so you are wise to move on. Concerning this new guy, he wants to be a police officer and you are against that. You should give him the support in whatever he wants to do. If you feel that you hate the people who join the force, then do not get into a relationship with him. But it is wrong to try and change a man and it is also wrong for a man to try to change a woman. He will do very well as a policeman because he loves the police force.

Perhaps this young man did not remember that it was your birthday. He should have not forgotten that. Intelligent men don't forget these things. If he didn't have the money, he could have bought you chocolates or even a birthday card. But don't hold that against him right now.

Watch and see what he will do for Christmas. I think you really have to go easy on him. He doesn't even have money to put credit on his phone to call you, so you are dating a very poor dude.

Pastor