Boyfriend doesn’t know he’s wearing a ‘jacket’

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and I am having a problem. I am still living at home. I have a child but I have never told the truth about his father.

His real father is living with his wife and I promised him I would not tell anybody that he is the father because he is well known in the community as a respectable man.

From I was 16, he has been helping me financially and we always use the condom. But I got pregnant when the condom broke. I took the morning-after pill two days after. I have a boyfriend. My parents know him. I told him that he got me pregnant and he still believes that he is my son's father.

The real father gives me money for the boy every month. One of my sisters told me that my son does not resemble my boyfriend. I told her to mind her business.

PROUD FATHER

My boyfriend is a taxi driver. He is proud of his 'son' and sometimes he takes him to visit his grandmother and to buy ice cream. My son loves him. My boyfriend wants us to get married but I don't love him enough to marry him and the money he gives me is small.

This other man gives me more money and he has helped me to buy a new stove. For my birthday he bought me a microwave and I feel that even if I should marry my boyfriend, I would have to cheat because I don't see why I should leave this man who has been so good to me. His wife does not know about the affair because I have never tried to disrespect her or to call him when I know he is at home. They have three children. One of them is my age. I don't know how we are going to carry on because I am not going to leave him and he told me long ago that he cannot leave his wife. So I am begging you to give me your advice.

C.S.

Dear C.S.,

How long are you going to pretend that your boyfriend is the father of your son? You have declared that you do not love this man and that he got you pregnant because you could not divulge that it was the married man who impregnated you. You found it much easier to give the taxi man a 'jacket' and he has been wearing the jacket very proudly. You are a wicked deceiver and one of the reasons why you told the taxi man that the child is his is because you love money.

You are getting money from him and getting bigger money from the married man. This married man declared that he is not leaving his wife and you do not plan to end the relationship with him either. But the truth will be known in the future. Right now, one of your sisters suspects that you have given the taxi man a jacket and she may tell other family members that the child bares no resemblance to your so-called boyfriend. If you do not love this taxi man and would not marry him, then you should bring the relationship to an end.

Right now, you are playing the fool. You want a married man who does not want you. The 'relationship' is just sexual. He does not want it to go beyond that right now. So if you do not want your boyfriend, you should either remain single or seek another man. I hope you will never do anything to disrupt this married man's family. Evidently, he is much older that you. I hope that you would make good use of the money he has been giving you.

Pastor