Wasted nine years with this man

Dear Pastor,

I am a 25-year-old woman. I am living in a foreign country. I was in a relationship with this man for nine years. I loved him dearly, but the relationship was toxic.

When we first got together, I was just out of high school. We have gone through a lot with each other, including infidelity, fighting and disrespect. We were trying to grow together, but it was not working. Eventually, I got my own place, car and job. I was trying to help him because he doesn't have anything. He lives with his mother and depends on everyone.

I can take care of myself, but I can't take care of both of us. I try to help him get his life together, but he is lost and I don't know how to help him. Recently, we got into a very big fight and he went back to his mother's house. I am very hurt because this was my first real relationship and I have been trying to work on myself. But, this man is too stubborn and I don't want to change. My issue with him is that he would just leave and go with another woman while I sit here dealing with what happened.

Pastor, please, tell me what I should do.

K.M.

Dear K.M.,

This man needs to grow up and you need to come to realise that you are wasting time with him. He knows that you have given much in this relationship.

It doesn't seem that he has given anything at all. You have wasted nine precious years which you can never get back. Don't waste any more. Think about it, if you had a better man in your life, you would have made greater progress. Although you have been with this worthless and good for nothing man, you have been able to purchase your own place and also to buy a car, and to hold a good job. This worthless brother has spent his time and his life on other women and is being disrespectful to you. He has no ambition so you should let him stay where he is. He has gone back to his mother. I hope that you would not beg him to return to you.

You are 25 years old and the next five years should be precious to you. You can go back to school and aim to become a professional. Everybody makes mistakes and you have made a mistake by tying up yourself with this man. You said that you feel hurt over the relationship, but you can bounce back. You have to bounce back.

Set some goals and objectives and put God first in your life. You have my prayers. May God bless you.

Pastor