Controlling babyfather will not leave me alone

Dear Pastor,

I'm writing this letter from the United Kingdom. I have known my son's father for over five years and I wouldn't ever consider us being in a committed relationship.

Excusing all of that, we had a connection so I went with it until I couldn't any more. He's a little self-centred and narcissistic. He sees himself as something to be worshipped yet does nothing to deserve those praises. It completely baffles me. He has lied since the day we met and gradually truths come to light. I have become fed up and just want him to leave me alone. He does nothing for our son but uses him to keep a hold of me for sex. He tries to use reverse psychology and says that he is my babyfather so I shouldn't want any other man.

Everything in me wants to dry up when he touches me, but because he knows my body, I still get excited and let him do it. But I regret it immediately afterwards and I hate feeling like this. I need more than just sex and he seems to think it's the root of a relationship and a big part, but I disagree. I think sex is the least of it all. He shows up unannounced and acts like he lives in my home. He just walks right in as soon as I open the door. He heads upstairs to my bedroom, takes off his clothes, then expects me to lie down next to him and cuddle. When he wants, he goes and takes food from the kitchen and eats food even though I have two children who need attending to.

I am a single mother and he does nothing to help me. So why can't he come in and give me a break? He even had another son after our son. He has lied about his name and when our son was born, he wanted to give him a different name than what he told me. I found a bank card and another name was on it. I don't know a thing about him, only what he says. I feel like I constantly have a stranger in my home. What really broke the camel's back is when I asked him if this is what he calls a relationship. This isn't what I want my daughter to see in a man who's supposed to love her mother.

Pastor, do you know what his response to all of that was? He said "Well, you can show her what not to want." I was so shocked. He's basically saying I should teach my daughter how a woman shouldn't be treated. I mean, who say or does that? Pastor, I need him out of my life. I have no issue with him seeing his son. But I don't want him at all. He's a problematic person with serious controlling issues. He even tells me what to say and do during sex. Like seriously? If you have to tell a woman to do all of that, doesn't that mean she doesn't want to do it? Take the hint.

I'm just tired of him and I don't know how to get him to leave me alone without all the drama. It's like he has to turn up at my house and see another man for him to get the hint. Please help me.

F.M.

Dear F.M.,

I am sorry to hear that you are not happy. The man with whom you are having a relationship is not doing anything to cause you to be happy. But, you need to realise that happiness is a choice. And, although you feel very unhappy, there are things that you can do to change the situation. For example, you do not have to allow this man to come back to your house. He has his child and he can be given certain rights to see him, but that could be done through the court.

This man has made a fool of you in the past and he has continued to do so. It is time for you to put this matter in the hands of a lawyer and tell them the whole situation, and that you do not want this man to visit your home. Take out a restraining order against him and tell the lawyer you would like it to be done immediately. Tell them to make arrangements for him to see his child.

If you are not prepared to take drastic action against this man, he will continue to abuse you. So do what is right and make yourself happy. I wish you well.

Pastor