Sister called my dad a rapist

Dear Pastor,

I am living with my sister and my mother. My sister and I are of different fathers. My mother loves my sister more than she loves me.

Regardless of what my sister does, my mother gives her the preference. So, because of that, I don't even bother to complain to her about anything that has to do with my sister. One day my sister told me that the reason why my mother doesn't like me as much as she likes her is because my father raped her and she conceived. My father and her were friends, but he forced her to have sex and held her in a position she couldn't get away. And when she realised that she was pregnant, it was too late to do anything about it.

My sister and I get along, but we don't rap as sisters. When we were children, we always used to fight because people say I am prettier than her. I have a boyfriend. He is 30 years old. He is in the medical field. He tries his best to help me, but I am working. I go to his apartment and tidy it for him. I also cook for him because I love to cook. When I introduced him to my mother, she greeted him well and she always asks me for him. He told me that he would like us to get married but that he is not planning to live in Jamaica.

HE ALWAYS SUPPORTS ME

My father lives in Canada. Sometimes I wonder if I should ask my father whether he had forced himself on my mother and got her pregnant. I do not want to embarrass my father because he has always supported me. I did not hear the story directly from my mother, just from my sister. All I say to myself is, 'If my mother had an issue with my father, that was many years ago because I am 26 years of age'. That matter should have been dealt with between them. I still love my mother and I will do anything to help her.

T.F.

Dear T.F.,

Let me begin by telling you that you are now in love with a good man. I hope that indeed he will marry you. It is unfortunate that your mother has not made you feel loved by her.

As to whether you should raise the matter with her about whether your father raped her is not something that I as a counsellor would suggest. How would that help the relationship between your mother and yourself? If you believe that talking to your mother about it will improve the relationship that both of you have, by all means, do so. On the other hand, it may open wounds that would be difficult to heal. Perhaps what might be better is for you to encourage your father to ask your mother to forgive him for forcing her to have sex with him. But he might be upset to receive such a suggestion from you as his daughter. He might deny doing so. It is very risky.

Show your mother lots of love. One day she may come to the position where she is willing to thank God that you are her daughter and that you are doing well. If you have a very close relationship with your father, and what your sister said to you is on your mind, talk to your father about it.

Pastor