I have the worst luck with men

Dear Pastor,

I have four children with three different men. Two of these men did not treat me well. When I had my first child, her father told my parents that he wanted me to come and live with him. I was 18 at the time. My father told him I was too young, but if he would marry me, then he would not have a problem with that because I would be his wife.

He told my father that he was not ready to get married because he did not have a house yet. My father told him that he would not want me to live in concubinage.

After he left, my father asked me if I wanted to go and live with him. I said no, because I would just be his helper and I wanted to go back to school. When the baby was one year old, my mother agreed to keep her. One day, when my babyfather picked me up, he said that he wanted a little sex. I agreed, but I did not know that he did not have condoms. When I realised that he didn't, I told him no and we started to fight. I finally yielded when he told me he would not discharge in me. We had sex, but he did not withdraw. So I got pregnant again.

I explained everything to my father, and he told me to tell the guy not to come back to his house. My father is an elder in his church and he said that I embarrassed him.

My boyfriend accused me of being with my father. He said that since he couldn't come to the house any more, I was on my own. He stopped assisting me to attend school. My father paid for me to continue my schooling. I didn't have sex for one year and five months. I was afraid of men.

Then, I got involved with a man online. We eventually met, and I liked him. But he was a liar. He gave me a fake name; plus, he was married. When I found that out, I had to dump him. The relationship did not go further because he kept pressuring me for sex.

One of my teachers in the evening school I attended fell in love with me. He told me once that I was studying too hard and he could help me. I took the bait and gave him what he wanted, and he got me pregnant. This time, my parents told me that I had to leave. I didn't even know that my teacher was so poor. He was living in a depressed area. I moved in with him and had to do everything in the house. I cried daily. He was not even making enough money to buy things for the baby. When my belly was showing, I had to stop going to school. He said that he was not responsible for getting me pregnant.

I was not the only student who he got pregnant. I know I have made mistakes. One day, I was standing at the bus stop and a man drove up and offered me a ride. I was crying and he asked me what was wrong, and I told him everything. To cut a long story short, I became this man's helper and he treated me well. I went from his kitchen into his bedroom. He got me pregnant. Now he is offering to marry me. I don't know what to do, Pastor, but I need the help of this man. Please tell me what to do.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

You have made big mistakes in life, but you should not be totally blamed for everything. The father of your first two children should be taken to court for child support. He is an out of order man to accuse you of having an intimate relationship with your father. He might not have meant it, but that's a nasty thing for him to say. Regardless of what has happened between the both of you, he should support his children.

The teacher has embarrassed you. He is behaving like a dog. I suggest that you marry this man with whom you are living. You should tell your parents that he has proposed to you. I am sure that they will be glad. Don't hold anything against your parents. They have tried to help you, but you got all messed up. I hope that this man will take good care of you.

Pastor