My family doesn’t like my new girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am a 42-year-old man who is presently single, but I have a lady friend. I have never been married. I have two daughters, but some people call me a fool. They say they are 'jackets'. My mother told me that I should not listen to what people say. Instead, I should take care of the children as I have done from the time they were born. The children love me, and I love them.

One of my girls is now in college. Both my daughters live with my mother and I. Their mother is living with a man and she has two other children. I have told the girls to always talk to their mother. Their mother is always begging me for money through them. They will say to me, 'Daddy, mommy needs so and so.' The man she is living with doesn't treat her very well. He even beats her sometimes, but she is still with him.

I left her because she loves to curse a lot of bad words, and she did it in front of the children many times. I told her one day that she should stop doing so and she told me the 'F' word. So, I could not continue to have a relationship with her. Sometimes I am tempted to do a DNA test to find out if these girls are really mine. But if they are not, I don't want to know. They love their grandmother; sometimes they even sleep in her bed with her. They fight each other to comb my mother's hair.

What I want to talk to you about is, I started to attend church and I fell in love with an older woman. I like her, but my mother does not like her. The girls don't like her, either. I believe that if my mother liked her, the girls would go along. She is a nice woman. She does her own business. She buys and sells, and she does not ask me for anything. It has been a long time since I have been living without a woman, and now that I have found one, my mother doesn't like her.

This woman has her own house and she says that she feels very lonely at times. I spend a lot of time at nights talking to her, and she is always telling me that she loves me. She wants to know why I can't come to see her. I told her that when COVID is over I will come.

People may think that I am a 'mama's boy' because I am always listening to my mother. But it is not so. I have two other siblings, who are living abroad. I am the only one here to protect my mother. I wonder what you think about my situation. This woman is eight years older than I am. Is she too old for me?

P.T.

Dear P.T.,

The woman who you are in love with is not too old for you, so put that out of your thoughts. If you genuinely love her and she loves you, and you believe that she is honest and doesn't see you as a little boy because she is older, you should consider marrying her. I know that you don't want to do anything that goes against how your mother feels, but your mother has to realise that you have your life to live. Unless she knows something very bad about this woman, she should not be against this relationship. So, reason with your mother and tell her that you would like to invite the lady to your home, so that she would get to know her better.

You are a grown man, and you know that it is time for you to settle down. You don't have to think about having more children. Whether these girls are your biological children or not, that should be your business only. Continue to take care of them. They know you as a good father. At the same time, if their mother is in need of any help and you are in a position to help her, do so. Show them much love. My brother, I wish you well.

Pastor