My married neighbour took my virginity

Dear Pastor,

I am a 30-year-old man and I am married to a woman 10 years my senior. I always liked older women. When I was in high school, my first girlfriend was an older woman who was my neighbour. My mother suspected that we were having an affair and she spoke to the neighbour and told her to leave me alone, because she was a married woman.

She told my mother that it was not up to her to make that decision. She said that I was the one who should make that decision and although she was wearing a ring, she did not feel she was married because her husband didn't have any time for her.

This woman's husband was a mechanic and he used to teach me the trade when I went home from school. He then taught me to drive. I was 17 years old when I had sex with his wife. She was the first woman I went to bed with when her husband went to the country for a week and his wife invited me over. My mother did not even realise that I was at her house. I had never had sex before. She taught me to do the 'wheelbarrow style' after we had sex a few times.

I got a girlfriend when I turned 18. I told this married woman that I would have to stop coming to her house and to cut out the affair, because my girlfriend wanted me to spend time with her. She said that I could have a girlfriend but whenever she wanted to see me, she would tell me. The relationship with my girlfriend did not last long. I attended a tent meeting and I gave my heart to the Lord and started to attend church at 25. I got married to this woman who is 10 years older in the church. She had two children. She is older than I am.

The problem I am having with her is that she talks to me as if I am a boy. Sometimes I can't stand her behaviour. My mother says that she has tied me to her. I regret marrying her. I don't know what to do.

R.C.

Dear R.C.,

Some of the things you have put in this letter we cannot publish. You took a risk by going to this woman's house and having sex with her. I suppose one could excuse you as a naive teenager who took a risk to go to another man's house to make love to his wife. Clearly, this woman was lacking something in the relationship with her husband and she saw you as a good substitute. She was brave enough to tell your mother that the relationship between the both of you was a decision you would have to make. And she told you that you may have a girlfriend but whenever she needed you, you should be there for her.

I am sorry that your relationship with your wife is not working out. I suggest that your wife and you should make an appointment and go and see a family counsellor. Do everything to save your marriage. I don't believe that you were ready to take such a step when you got married.

Pastor