Pregnant for my husband’s friend

Dear Pastor,

I am 28 and I am married with three children. Two are for my husband and since my husband and I are separated [he is studying abroad], I had another child for my lover.

I got entangled with another man who was helping me. This man and my husband went to school together and they were good friends. When things were low with me, he would help me financially. I did not intend to have an affair with him because I know his girlfriend very well and she did not suspect anything.

Pastor, I was the one who pushed myself on him one night. I was feeling so lonely and horny and he came by and brought pizza for the children and me. He said that his wife was on the night shift. I convinced him to stay for a while. The devil got into me and we started to kiss. He went to his car for a condom and by the time he got back in the house, I was ready for him. The children had gone to bed. But while we were having sex, the condom broke. He gave me money to buy the morning-after pill, but I didn't because I didn't think anything would happen. But I got pregnant. He asked me if I would do an abortion and I thought about it for two weeks but decided that would be murder.

I CAN FEEL IT

I called my husband and told him that I was unfaithful to him and that I was carrying a child. He said I should have gone with a man who was not well known to him. I begged him not to tell anybody, but he told my mother and my siblings. They all cried shame on me. My husband still supports me and he talks to his children every week. I know that I was wrong. I encouraged my babyfather to tell his girlfriend about the child. He told her and she called me and told me I can take over from her because she is prepared to go with other men.

This man stopped coming to see me and he has been trying to make up with his woman. I know I have lost my husband. He hasn't said so, but I can feel it. He used to call me at night and tell me nice things. We used to make love on the phone, but he doesn't do that anymore. My husband should be back by March. I don't know how I am going to face him. My lover says that if my husband dumps me as I expect him to do, he would marry me. As I write you this letter, I am trembling. This is not what I planned for my life. Please give me your advice.

E.G.

Dear E.G.,

I am sorry that you did not continue to be faithful to your husband. I am sorry also that you became so close to his friend. You allowed your emotions to get the better of you.

Temptation of the flesh was very strong. Even if this man had in mind to have sex with you, he didn't ask; you pushed yourself on him.

You said that the condom broke. I don't doubt you at all because he had the condom in his car and the heat will destroy condoms. Men should always remember that condoms should be kept in a cool place. It is not even wise for a condom to be put in a man's wallet for any long period of time.

DESTROYED MARRIAGE

You have destroyed your marriage. This man might not forgive you although he continues to support his children. Whatever happens in the future, you did the right thing by not aborting the pregnancy. I hope your husband will forgive you and that he would accept this last child as his very own. If he is willing to do so, this boyfriend of yours would have to learn to disappear. When I say disappear, he is not to come around you or to see the child. Your husband will never accept another man coming to see you and it will give him the impression that both of you are still in an affair.

Long-distance relationships can be very difficult. So often one spouse may go astray and that is what happened to you. When your husband returns to Jamaica, tell him that you contacted me and I suggested that both of you go and see a family counsellor. I hope you are not continuing the affair.

Pastor