Frustrated with my boring wife

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 years old and I am a Christian. I am having a problem with my young wife. We got married two years ago in a very small ceremony; just my wife and I and two witnesses.

We were eager to get married because we thought that my wife was pregnant. It turned out that she was not. We got married because we are members of a church and we did not want anybody to criticise our church and to condemn us and to call us fornicators. So, we did a quick wedding and right away we started to have problems.

The first time we had sex was like a hit and run thing. As I entered her, I discharged and we didn't have the condom. So, I really thought I got her pregnant. But I am having a problem. I had a couple of girlfriends before I met my wife and I feel that I should have married one of them. But they were not Christians. None of them complained the way my wife complains when I try to get her excited. She objects to me fondling her breasts. She does not want me to stimulate her. My wife has never held my penis. If I try to do foreplay, she complains that I am taking too long and she wants to sleep. I told her that we should go for counselling, but she says I will have to go alone because she is not interested.

One day my pastor said that if couples have problems in their love lives, he is willing to meet with them. When we went home, my wife said that pastor said that because I might have told him something. I have never said a word to my pastor about her. But I am frustrated and sometimes I am tempted to go outside of the marriage for pleasure. I need some help. This woman is so dead in bed for a young girl: no breast touching, no fondling of the clitoris, nothing. So, please advise me.

Frustrated Husband

Dear Frustrated Husband.,

Your wife and yourself need to make an appointment to see a family counsellor or sex therapist. I believe that your wife means well. She is not a bad woman.

She needs to understand that sex can be beautiful and every man wants to enjoy his wife and she should enjoy him. The Bible says that a man should enjoy his wife's breasts and the fondling of the breasts is a part of foreplay.

Your wife and yourself do not have to hide to do anything; you are married. If your wife is not properly lubricated, the sexual act may not be enjoyable. Talk to your family counsellor about how your wife's clitoris and vagina should be lubricated. K-Y jelly can be very helpful. But your wife does not want to be touched there. So your problem is not simple. Both of you need professional help. But please do not yield to the temptation of going to another woman. Your wife can change. Perhaps when she has changed, you would have trouble to keep her quiet. She would want more and more of you.

Pastor