THIS WEDDING IS OFF - My fiancé got my cousin pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am a Jamaican who is living in the United States of America. I am presently on vacation in Jamaica. I have been engaged to a Jamaican man, who has promised to marry me.

Now that I am in Jamaica making preparation for our wedding, I have found out that one of my cousins is carrying his child. I did not even know that they had a love affair going, and this girl has benefited from my generosity a lot since I began living in the United States. I have sent her lots of clothes. She has two children and I send barrels to Jamaica with goodies and clothes for the children.

My boyfriend was responsible for clearing these barrels. I never thought he would stoop so low by going to bed with her. Now he is telling me that it was a mistake, and that anybody can make a mistake. I wasn't expecting him to make that type of mistake.

This girl was trying to hide from me when I first came back, but by the time I saw her, I knew she was pregnant. Other cousins have told me it was for my boyfriend. He admitted that he went to bed with her. I asked her mother if she knew that her daughter and my boyfriend were having a relationship and she said no. My boyfriend told me that my cousin was always asking him for money. She told him that she was taking the Pill, but he did not know that she was lying.

I have called off the wedding. I am going to leave him right here in Jamaica with his new babymother. I have been saving my money abroad for us to move into a better area. Think about it, guys have always said to me that they like me, and whenever I told them that I have a boyfriend in Jamaica, they told me that I can't be sure what he is doing. They said that he might be cheating on me. However, I have never yielded to them. Now I have to look around elsewhere.

I know what to do, because I called a friend and told him my situation and he said I should come back right away and he would be ready for me. I grew up in a stable home. I have only had a couple of boyfriends. I did not run around. I am changing my flight and going back to New York.

I told my cousin who is pregnant for my boyfriend, to make sure she takes good care of him. I will still send things for her occasionally.

Pastor, would you approve of what I am doing?

C.L.

Dear C.L.,

It might have been hard on your boyfriend of five years to wait on you. But even if he wanted to get involved with another woman, he should have avoided your cousin.

He has no standard, and neither does she. Your cousin knew that you have been good to her in every way. Not only have you helped her, but you have also assisted her children. You have made your decision. Some people might not agree with you, others would support you. You did not say what work you do.

It is not going to be easy for you to adjust to your life, but already, another male friend of yours is ready to have you. Your boyfriend, who has got this woman pregnant, has released you from any commitment made. The wedding is off, but I must warn you that although another man is ready to have you, don't hurriedly get into another relationship.

Even before you go out on casual dates, get some help from a psychologist, and please write to me again.

Pastor