Cheating ex demanding his money back

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am almost 28 years old and I come from a poor family. My mother was a single mother and she worked hard to give my brother and I a good education.

Both my brother and I have become teachers. I became involved with a man. He convinced me that he loved me and I believed him. He was not my first boyfriend. He comes from a middle-class family and nothing was too great for him to give me. His mother loved me and she always wanted me around. So, her home became my second home. Even when I did not go to see my mother, I went to see her. However our relationship began to go sour when he got involved with one of my cousins. He denied it at first, but he came clean after I told him that I would forgive him for what he did. But I wanted to know the truth.

It was much worse than I thought. Not only did he have an affair with my cousin, he also had a secret child with someone I went to school with. He said getting this girl pregnant was a big mistake. His mother told me that she thought he had told me about his child. I told him that I would forgive him for getting this girl pregnant, but I cannot forgive him for having sex with my cousin. He told me that if I am forgiving him, I should forgive him for having both women. His mother took his side.

This man is now showing me a side of himself that I have never seen. I am doing a programme with an overseas university and I borrowed some money from him. The understanding was that I will pay him back the money as soon as I have completed the programme. Now, he is punishing me by telling me that he wants his money back now. I have also stopped going to bed with him and this has made him very angry. I don't call him often anymore and suddenly he wants me to come up with all the money I borrowed from him.

Why should I allow this man to treat me like a floor mat and to use me just for sex? My cousin has broken up with him, but that does not give me any satisfaction. I have told him that he may continue with her because I will never be happy with him anymore. I do not intend to repay him the money that I borrowed from him. He cannot prove that it was a loan because he gave me the money while we were lovers. He is trying to punish me by demanding his money. This man is 35 years old. I am not going back to him. Please let me hear from you.

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

You gave this man your word that you would repay him the money you borrowed from him and I suggest that you keep your word.

You are deeply hurt to know that while this man and you had an intimate relationship, he was playing around with other women. He even impregnated one of them. One of the girls is your cousin and you feel that he can have her. But evidently, there is a feeling of remorse on the side of your cousin. So, she has ended the relationship with him.

He might, indeed, be harassing you for the money although he does not need it. He might be trying to demand the money to get you to agree to renew the intimate relationship that both of you had. Whatever is his motive, let him have his money.

There are many institutions who may consider giving you a loan to pay back this man. You may consider talking to a lawyer and have him or her draw up an agreement to pay this man monthly. But do not allow him to look at you as a thief. Pay him back. I wish you well.

Pastor