My worthless husband got my careless sister pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am in my 60s, and I have been reading your column for many years. I was married, but my husband and I got divorced after I went to the United States of America. He got involved with my younger sister and got her pregnant.

When I heard that she was pregnant, I could not believed that it was by my husband. But in Jamaica, you can't hide anything for too long. I asked my sister whether it was my husband who impregnated her and she said yes. She said that was not planned, it just happened.

I used to love my sister and nothing was too good for me to give to her. My sister had a man who used to take good care of her, plus she had a job. She and her two children lived at the house with my husband, who could have got any other woman, but that's how it is.

They got involved and now they have a daughter. I cried for months and then I filed for divorce. When she got pregnant, she pretended as if it was her man who got her pregnant; but he said no it wasn't his child and so she stopped accusing him, and she spoke the truth. My husband asked me to forgive him, but I told him I would not forgive. If he had gone to another woman and not to my sister, I could forgive him.

It is only recently I was able to talk to my sister and that was after my mother's death when I came to Jamaica. My pastor brought us together. Even after my husband got my sister pregnant, I refused to go to a man. But now, at my stage in life, I have found somebody who loves me. The only problem, he is 10 years younger than I am. I am asking myself whether this makes sense. He is in Jamaica and I am in Texas. I can be faithful to him, but can he be faithful to me? He says he does not have another woman.

I am not planning to come back to Jamaica to live. I have my own house in America. This guy has no assets, but he has two children. He said that his relationship with the mother of his children has ended. I had sex with this guy a couple times. I found him to be decent, but I am turning to you for help in making the right decision. What should I do? Please, I am waiting for your advice.

T

Dear T.,

It must have been a shock to know that your husband became sexually involved with your sister. Some people might say that you should not have left her in the house with him. But you are not to be blamed for their conduct. You knew she had a man. What both of them did was not something you thought would have happened. What a careless sister you have and the most disrespectful husband.

Concerning this new man that is in your life, let us think about his age. You are in your 60s and he is 10 years your junior. The age is not a big issue. You are not coming back to Jamaica, so if both of you were to get married, you would have to file for him so that he could join you in America.

What about your children, the children that you have had with your former husband? Do you intend to help any of them to come to America? This man may not just want to marry you, but he may also want to file for his children to come to America.

I can't tell you not to marry him. If you believe that you truly love him, and the older you get, you see the need to have a man in your life, you should seriously consider marrying him. Some women have said that the older they get, they need companionship. Therefore, I suggest that before you make your final decision, you should talk to an immigration lawyer for guidance.

You are a senior citizen and you have worked hard. You have your own house and you would not want to lose anything that you have. So, I repeat, talk to an immigration lawyer. I am sure he or she would tell you that if you should get married, you should consider doing a prenuptial agreement. I wish you well, I really do.

Pastor