My wife wants a three-month break from me

Dear Pastor,

I am writing you to get some advice about my current situation with my wife. We have been together for five years but married for two years. We have a two-year-old daughter.

Lately, my wife has been having an affair with her supervisor. I had a gut feeling that something was going on and confronted her about it which she, of course, denied.

One day, I got the chance to look in her phone and read the messages between herself and the person and to my surprise, he was not the one pushing the relationship; it was her. So, I confronted her once more and she denied it again. So, I sent her a few screenshots of the conversation I had read and she was quiet all night.

Her reason for doing what she did was that I was not paying attention when she was speaking about her problems and not being able to go out as often. She said that she was not as happy as she used to be. So, that's why she turned to someone else who was giving her attention. For the last few weeks, I have shut off from certain issues because I knew this month would have been a very hard month for us financially and I had warned her about the problems to come. I tried to assure her that once we got through this rough patch, we would be OK. I thought she could handle it, but oh how wrong I was. She was also bottling up mistrust in me from an incident which happened three years ago where she saw a message in my phone from another female which I later deleted. Even though I assured her that nothing was going on, and nothing really was going on, I knew deep down she never believed me.

Now, she wants to take a three-month break from the marriage and live somewhere on her own to figure out herself. I opposed the idea, but I can see no other option before me to save the marriage. I suggested counselling, but she refused. The thing is, I want to believe that she will not be dating anyone or having sex with anyone during that time. But deep down, I believe there is a 90 per cent chance that she will. At this point, neither one of us seems to trust each other.

So, I am asking for your advice as to what to do to start fixing this 'situation-ship'.

L.M.

Dear L.M.,

Your wife does not want to continue in the marriage. She cheated and she believed that the man with whom she cheated is sweeter than you and that the future seems to be brighter with him.

She is not interested in going for counselling because she has told herself that counselling will be a waste of time. She is lying when she says she wants a three-month break from the marriage to live on her own to figure out herself. She takes you for a fool. That is her way of telling you that she is done with the marriage.

I must tell you that you are hanging on to a relationship that is already dead. It is unfortunate that you married this woman and that both of you have a child together. You have to let this woman go. She does not love you. Make sure, however, that you support your child and that proper arrangements are made for her care. I have told you the absolute truth. Don't stress yourself anymore over this woman.

Pastor