My wife has been ignoring me lately

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem with my wife. We have been married for 10 years. We used to enjoy each other, but everything has changed. We have two children and my wife is always fussing and saying that she is stressed.

When I come home from work and expect her to be ready for me, she shows no interest at times. I bring her flowers, but sometimes she won't even show appreciation. I can get through to my wife when she wants to make love. She has stopped making me feel that she appreciates me. I have never cheated on her. But her reaction to me at times is stressing me out and I do not know how long I can continue living like this.

Recently I was trying to make love to my wife and finally she barked at me and said, "Do what you want to do and let me sleep because I am tired." Those words turned me off and I could not continue to play with her breasts. I went into the living room and watched television until I fell asleep. If I did not know better, I would say that my wife is seeing another man but I know she is not. What can I do to get her attention? Whatever you say, I will show her because she respects your opinion.

V.S.

Dear V.S.,

Your wife and yourself got along very well but she has changed and she is complaining that she is under stress. I will say to you, brother, you should believe her and work with her.

Just to be a mother and to have to deal with the children can be very stressful. To be in charge of your home and to see that everything goes right day after day can be stressful. So don't doubt your wife and don't be too hard on her.

Both of you need to make time for yourselves, time for vacation, time to play, and time to meet the needs of each other. Getting enough sleep is vital and you know that your wife has told you that she needs to sleep. Believe her and allow her to sleep.

I have suggested to men on a number of occasions that when their wives tell them that they are tired, they should allow them to sleep and then in the wee hours of the morning, try to make love. It makes more sense then at that time. Sometimes good friends can help. Friends can keep the children for a weekend or so and allow your spouse to rest. Find time to go out to see plays and take their minds off of the burden of house work. But never ignore your wife. Never doubt that she is under stress. Think of the many things that both of you can do to improve your marriage.

Pastor