Babyfather is giving me nothing for our child

Dear Pastor,

I have a problem and I need your help or advice. I have three boys. They belong to two different men. I only get money for two of them.

The father of the other boy does not give me anything. When I became pregnant, he said he wasn't sure that he was the one who got me pregnant.

I convinced him that I did not go with any other man. So he took care of everything for me to have the baby. But he hardly came around. And every time I asked him for money, he said that I should give him something, meaning he wanted sex. I did so a few times, but I got fed up and stopped having sex with him. The money I get from my other children's father, I try to use to support all of them, but it is hard.

This man who does not support his child is a government official. People have told me that I should take him to court and shame him before a judge. But I don't want to do so, because he may hold that against the child.

Recently, he started to attend church and I went to his pastor and asked him to speak to him, and to encourage him to support his son. He told his pastor that I was telling lies on him when I said that he did not give me any money for child support. He also said that I am a wicked woman. He lies so much. Do you think I should take him to court and shame him? I don't have to go to bed with the father of my other two boys. But this man keeps telling me that the other man is my boyfriend and he is getting 'sweetness' from me, while he is not getting anything.

T.A.

Dear T.A.,

You mentioned what type of work this man does and you are trying to protect him by not taking him to court. I think that you are making a mistake. He is not a good father. And you shouldn't have to go to bed with him to get child support from him. Many men are like that. But you don't have to agree to that sort of thing.

Take the man to court and just speak the truth. Just ask the magistrate to order him to pay the money every month through the court, so that you will have proof that he is supporting the child. He can always lie and say that he gave you the money, but when it is done through the court he cannot tell lies on the court. Again I say, he is a wicked man and should be made to pay child support. Let me hear from you again after you have taken him to court.

Pastor