My mother ran off and left us

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I hope that you will continue to do this work for a long time. I am 20 and I have been reading your column for about 10 years.

I am living with my father and stepmother. My father always buys THE STAR. But my stepmother does not like me reading everything in your column, so I always hide and read everything.

My mother left me with my grandmother, that is my father's mother, and went away when I was a child. My father said that my mother promised to return after a year and both of them would get married. He waited on her and after the year, she told him that he should move on with his life because she had found a man who was serious about her, and she would marry him because it would be easier for her to get her green card. She married the man, but he did not help her to get the green card. They broke up six months after they got married. He divorced her.

My grandmother took care of me, and my father did everything a girl could expect from her father. When my father met my stepmother, he told her that he was going to take me to live with them, but she should promise never to abuse me. Everything I did that she didn't think was right, she told my father. But my father has never hit me; neither has she. She told him that he has spoiled me. My father doesn't have any other children, and my stepmother doesn't have any. But she is always telling him that she wants him to get her pregnant. I think it is too late now. I told her that when the time is right, I will give her children who she can call her own.

My mother is now begging me to forgive her for what she did. I told her she hasn't done anything to me because I am quite alright. She told me that she now has her green card.

I am not interested in seeing my mother; and I do not have a visa. My father's brother and sister in America told me that whenever I am ready to visit America, I can stay with them. My father and stepmother are not married. My father told me that he will marry her when the time is right. I don't know when that will be.

I have a boyfriend. My father likes him. He is studying at university. I am hoping to join him soon. My mother plans to come to Jamaica, but I am not interested in seeing her. She says she is a Christian now.

B.H.

Dear B.H.,

I believe that your mother had good intentions when she left you with your grandmother and went to America. Like others, she was trying to beat the system to get a green card.

But the man she married failed her, and she did not succeed. She was a big disappointment to your father, but he has proven to be a good dad. He took good care of you. When he met this other lady who became your stepmother, he warned her not to abuse you and she has not. So you have been fortunate.

You have no special love in your heart for your mother. She is trying to reach out to you because, evidently, she has come to realise that what she did to you can be considered as abandonment. Try and learn to forgive her. Don't hate her, because that will not help you at all. I am sure your father will forgive her for what she did.

When she comes to Jamaica, show her love. I am glad she has her paperwork all straightened out now. She can never come between you and your father, or even your stepmother.

You say that you have a boyfriend and that he is a university student. I hope that you will start studying very soon. Work hard and take good care of yourself. Put your future in God's hands.

Pastor