Sister’s ganja-smoking boyfriend is no good

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 and I grew up in rural Jamaica. I have two sisters; one of them got pregnant when she was 17.

My father is a prominent man in the community, and so he felt very embarrassed. But the young man's parents assisted my sister very well. They used to keep the baby often, and she went back to school and did well. I told myself that I would not make that mistake. I did my subjects and went to college, and now I am a teacher. I am also engaged, but my fiance is doing postgraduate work overseas.

I took my other sister to live with me. She didn't do well in school. She is more interested in the entertainment world. I told her not to bring any man into my place. This is just a one-room apartment and I share a bed with her. So I don't want to know a man is lying down on my bed when I am not at home. One day I came home from work and I smelled ganja. I asked her who was at the house and she said nobody. I told her that she was lying, but I didn't argue. I asked the gardener if he smokes and he said no. I also asked him if he knew anybody coming to my house on a certain date and he said yes; my sister's boyfriend was there. He said the guy has been to the apartment many times. I thanked him, then told him not to let my sister know that I questioned him. I told my sister that I was giving her one week to pack up and and go back to the country. She kept saying nobody was there. I told her that a ganja-smoking individual was in my house. She started to cry and she told me the truth; they had sex in the bathroom.

This man is just a hustler, selling cold drinks and peanuts. I was hoping to give my sister a chance to better herself. This ganja-smoking man wants to be a deejay. I don't want her to stay here and get pregnant. My parents will blame me. This guy cannot help her, so I told her to leave. One day I stayed home. She did not know that I was not going to work, and the man showed up. When she saw him, she told him that she was not expecting him. I told him that I did not want him there. He cursed me and said I wanted my sister to become a lesbian. The guy has the foulest mouth. I told my sister she had to leave that day, because I will not leave her in the house when I am at work.

She went to one of the neighbours and begged her to talk to me. When the neighbour came, I told her why I was asking her to leave, and she told my sister that she was a fool. I gave her $7,000 to pay her fare to return to the country. My mother said I should have given her another chance. Now she is asking me if I can take her back because she and the guy broke up.

What do you think I should do, Pastor?

Y.R.

Dear Y.R.,

Evidently, your sister did not think that you were serious when you warned her about not entertaining any man in your house.

She was not behaving like an ambitious young woman. It is true that you cannot choose for your sister, but at least she should have listened to you. If she had a boyfriend, she should have introduced him to you, and he should be ambitious and respectful.

I believe that you did the right thing. You warned her, but she did not take heed. I would not be surprised if she started to smoke ganja herself. Often, when young women meet men who smoke the weed, these men encourage them to do the same.

This guy told you expletives. Indeed, he has a foul mouth, and you were quite correct in putting your sister out. Time will tell if she has changed. Sometimes you have to be firm and practise tough love. The man does not even have a permanent job; he is bouncing around trying to make a life.

Do not feel sorry for your sister. Give her time to come to herself; it will not happen overnight. But don't totally abandon her.

Pastor