Girlfriend doesn’t respect me or my mother

Dear Pastor,

My girlfriend and I are both in our 20s, but she is two years older than I am. We have been friends for more than a year and she can be very disrespectful.

Both of us are working, but she is earning more than I do. She has one child. She became pregnant when she was 16. The young boy has no manners, and no respect for me at all.

We started living together six months ago and her son calls me by my first name. I object to that, and my girlfriend wants to know why I am objecting, because that is my name. I told her that I could be the boy's father and I am not insisting that he calls me 'dad', but he can call me 'uncle' or 'Mr'.

My mother came to spend a weekend with us. The boy heard me calling my mother 'mommy' and to my shock, the boy addressed my mother by her Christian name. I objected to that, but his mother thought it was funny and laughed it off. Also, my girlfriend does not respect my mother to call her 'mommy' or 'Ms'. She calls her by her first name. So I told my mother when she is addressed like that, she should not answer.

I expected my girlfriend to speak respectfully to my mother, but she does not. When I talked to her about this, she told me that I was behaving as if I was having an affair with my mother. I felt very hurt by what she said.

My girlfriend does not have a clean mouth; she says nasty things about everybody. She used the 'f' word in front of her son, but I have never used that word to her or in the presence of her son. My mother has been telling me to leave her because she cannot respect her as a daughter-in-law. She criticises me all the time.

I have heard you say that it is not good to give your spouse an ultimatum, but I have had to tell her that if in six months' time she has not changed, I am going to leave her. So I am writing to you for your help.

R.H.