Lost my wife after strip club drama

Dear Pastor,

I want to say greetings to you and your staff. I try to listen to your radio programme every night. I never thought the day would come when I would have to write to you for your help.

I am 45 years old and I was married, but now I am divorced. While I was married I was not a Christian. My wife used to try her best to get me to attend church, but I had no interest in that.

Before the COVID-19 pandemic, I used to go to the clubs. I enjoy seeing women climbing the poles in the nude. I also paid women from the club to have sex with me. Some of these clubs had rooms at the back, where you can take the girls and pay them to have sex. That was something I did almost every weekend. Some of the dancers knew me by name.

One thing I can say to you is that I did not give these girls all my money. I took care of my house. However, after going to the clubs, I went home with empty pockets. Behind closed doors, one can get these girls to do anything. One night one of the girls got me so exhausted that after working with her for an hour, I fell asleep and I did not wake up until daylight. It was the maids who clean the rooms who woke me up, and they laughed me to scorn.

While I was in the strip club sleeping, my wife was calling all my friends asking whether they had seen me or if they knew where I was. When I went home that Sunday morning, my wife gave me notice that she was going to file for divorce. I tried to beg her and I also lied to her, but nothing I said to her worked.

I did not even know when she went to a lawyer. When I was served with the divorce papers, I tried to get friends to talk to my wife. Even a couple of the guys who used to go clubbing with me told me they couldn't help me. I did not contest the divorce. I had a house that was built on her father's land. I was told that it did not make any sense to fight her for anything from that house, so I walked away without anything.

I became ill and went to the doctor. He said nothing was physically wrong with me, but something was bothering me. I told him I had lost my wife and I wanted to get her back. He said I should go and see a counsellor. After one year, I got involved with another woman. She was stricter than my wife. She was a Sabbath keeper, but that relationship could not work. She was older than I and she demanded most of my money. She did not cook very often.

I met a girl who was in her 20s and I became friendly with her. Although I had never impregnated a woman before, I impregnated her and I did not even believe that I got her pregnant. However, DNA tests prove that the child is mine.

My mother told me that I am cursed, and the curse is following me because I am not behaving as a grown, intelligent man. Do you think my mother is right?

J.

Dear J.,

I do not like to receive letters like these from a grown man. You liked fun, but you did not use common sense. Your wife begged you to stop running around, but you ignored her until you lost her.

I am sure that if you had stopped, and if you had admitted to your wife that you needed help, she would not have divorced you. However, you disrespected her and you embarrassed her, which led to her walking away.

You tried another woman and she couldn't walk in your wife's shoes, so you ran from her.

Now you have a child with a younger woman and you are not a young man. You are going to suffer for a while. Your mother says that you are cursed. She is annoyed with you. I would not say you are cursed, I would say that you are behaving as someone who doesn't have any sense whatsoever. Pull yourself together and make sure you support your child. You also need to turn to the good Lord for help.

Pastor